


Sleepwalking

by DelicateTaleOfBliss



Category: Take That (Band)
Genre: 90'S, Anal Sex, Depression, From lovers to strangers, Heart Break, In Your Own Time, M/M, Making up for lost time, Mark wants an explanation, Oral Sex, Reuniting, will there be a happy ending...?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-04 11:20:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5332280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DelicateTaleOfBliss/pseuds/DelicateTaleOfBliss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's coming up to seven years since the spilt of the Take That band. With Mark Owen in the process of writing his second solo album, he reaches out to his ex band mate, Gary Barlow. After having a secret relationship for three years during the band, their happiness soon ended when Gary took off without a say so. Will Gary finally give Mark the answers he's been searching for? Or will he continue to blame himself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Gary? Babe, you need to wake up. It's gone eleven." Looking through the dark room, the blonde shakes her head and sighs. " _He's_ going to be here in under an hour. C'mon Gary." Softly the figure groans from underneath the blankets and rubs the sleep away from his eyes. "...I'm going to drop the kids off at my Mum's, I'll send them your love. I've made you a coffee, so you need to start getting ready."

"Uh, yeah...right..." Hoarsely he speaks, whilst running a hand through his bed hair.

"I'll see you later, love you."

"Yeah, love you...too."

As soon as the door closes, his head hits the pillow again. It's not everyday you end up planning a week together with one of your old best friend's, someone who you've almost been tied to at the hip for the past five years of your life. Since being diagnosed with depression, every morning getting out of bed almost becomes a difficult and impossible task for Gary, but today has become ten times _worse_.

\---------------

After an extra forty minutes in bed (which didn't involve forty minutes of sleep, it gave him more time to think, well... _overthink_ ), he plods downstairs and into the kitchen. The house is empty and a few of the kids toys are randomly scattered around the place, along with a stone cold cup of coffee in the centre of the kitchen table. Sitting down opposite it, loudly he huffs and rests his face against his palms. There's nothing more Gary hates than self pity, but after losing his record deal, that's all he seems to be good at. The front door slams shut, causing the blonde to flinch. "Gary? I'm back, love." Dawn's voice echoes in the hallway. "Gaz?"

"...Yeah, in 'ere." He yawns as he speaks, whilst reaching for his coffee. Swiftly he takes a gulp of the cold liquid (just to pretend he's been sat there for the past forty minutes instead of overthinking in bed). The kitchen door becomes ajar and lightly she sighs at the sight of her husband.

"I thought you would of been dressed by now?"

"Er...yeah I will do in a minute. Just enjoying me coffee."

Walking inside, she places a supportive hand onto Gary's shoulder and breathes out a gentle laugh. "You mean...your cold coffee? Didn't really have you down as an ice coffee fan, especially not after you spewed the last one up at Ian's."

"First time for everythin' babe." Forcing out a smile, his fingers tap against the side of his mug. It's not that he doesn't want to see Mark, infact, out of all of the lads, Mark is the one he's missed the most since the split. Also because after the split, he ruined things, he broke Mark's heart and ever since that day, he's been living with the guilt. How can he look him in the eyes? Digging his teeth into the tip of his tongue, he feels the nerves grow inside of his body. "Why did I agree to this?" He thinks to himself. His fingers tap harder against the rim of the mug and his legs turn into jelly. "A...a...actually...Dawn. I...I think...I think I'm gonna have to call toda-" Gary's confession is abruptly cut off by the sound of a fist making contact with the front door's glass.

"Think he's read your mind." Sweetly she smiles whilst switching on kettle. "I'll let him in, can you make him a drink? I'm sure you know what he likes." Patting her husband's shoulder, she disappears into the hallway.

"Two sugars, milky." Gary mumbles under his breath whilst edging over towards the boiling kettle. Adding the ingredients into a mug, the sound of the familiar voice fills his ears. _That voice_. The voice he could easily pick out from a crowd. Still sounding bubbly and happier than ever, Mark enters the Barlow's household. Briefly Gary closes his eyelids, feeling the tears burn in his eyes over the sound of Mark's voice. It's going to be a tough week.

"Gary's just making you a tea. Sorry about the mess, I've just got back home from dropping the kids off at my parents." The door creaks and the typical over the top laugh sounds.

"Oh don't worry about that! Should see my house."

Dropping the tea bag into the bin, instantly he spins around on the spot by the sound of Dawn clearing her throat. Gary eyes up the smaller male who standing beside his wife, he hasn't aged at all. That boyish grin still remains, although there's a few lines appeared on his face, he still has _that_ young look about him. His hair is longer, much longer infact and his figure has become slimmer, which worries Gary's slightly.

"Look who I found on the door step." Dawn interrupts their gaze and lightly Gary smiles at the pair of them.

"Mark...nice...nice to see you again, mate." His speech breaks and Mark instantly picks up on that.

"If I knew it was gonna be a PJ day I wouldn't of dressed up." Smirking at the older man, Gary's cheeks turn a light pink by his comment.

"I'll leave you two to it." Smiling at Mark, she secretly winks over at Gary.

\----------------------

Drumming his fingers against the recording desk in the studio, no words have been spoken since they left the kitchen. Feeling Mark's eyes burn into the side of his head whilst he sips his tea, the awkward tension rises during every passing minute. "...Nice place is this, Gaz." The unexpected sound of Mark's voice almost makes him fall out of his chair.

"Erh...thanks. Got the wife to thank for that. She keeps the place going..."

"Girls, eh? They keep us on our toes."

Gary smirks whilst averting his eyes away from Mark's. "Could say that again. So, you said you were living in the Lake District now? I'm glad you hung onto that idea of moving out there."

"Yeah, me too. It's lovely to go for early morning walks with the dog and it's very private, so that's good. No offence to the fans or anything, but peace and quiet is always a pleasure sometimes."

The blonde breathes out a laugh, which is more sarcastic than playful. "I wouldn't know, mate. I haven't been chased by fans lately and it's not like I'm in any fit state to run far either." Holding out his hands he points towards his body. It's obvious that Gary's piled on the pounds since the last time Mark laid eyes on him, (although he's been reading _every_ Gary Barlow related interview since the split, he isn't shocked to see Gary look so different in front of him) he's still sees the beauty in his friend.

Awkwardly Mark shuffles back into his chair and sighs under his breath. He hates hearing Gary beat himself up and bring himself down, he's always admired the person Gary is, even if he did have an ego in the past, it's _never_ stopped him from loving him. "...I heard about what happened...y'know? The label dropping you, I know how it feels, I've been dropped too. I have no idea why I'm even bothering again, I'll never be as successful as I was when I was part of the band, but that was down to you. I guess...you were the reason for our fame. But, that isn't why I'm 'ere today, I'm not using you so I can make myself ten times more famous than what I really am. The reason I'm here today is...well...it's because-"

"You feel sorry for me."

"N...no...it's certainly not that, please don't think that." Shuffling his swivel chair closer to his friend, he places a hand on top Gary's and allows his thumb to stroke across his knuckles, almost like it's the most natural thing in the world...maybe it is for the pair of them, seeing as Gary hasn't batted an eyelid. "I chose you, because...well, you stop me from giving up. When I was making me first album, I only survived on what you said to me the last time we were together, remember?" Gary's eyes widen and guilt is now present. "...Oh, no...not that..." Swallowing dryly, Mark shakes his head to brush away _those_ memories. "...Encouraging me to do my own thing and not to give up when times get bad. You even offered to write me a couple of songs so I could pass them off as my own. It helped, Gaz. Sure I flopped, but I stuck at it until the end."

Gary's jaw stiffens and he eyes up their hands resting together in his lap. "...Shame...shame I didn't take my own advice..." Painting on a smile, he chews his bottom lip whilst his eyes become a little watery. He hates showing his soft side, especially to friends, but Mark isn't just _any_ kind of _friend_.

"You don't have to keep puttin' on a brave face. It's _me_...you know you can tell me anything. We've been..." Mark pauses to sigh and applies more pressure on the top of Gary's cupped hands. "...We've been through so much together, you can always trust me. I won't breathe a word to Dawn if you don't want me to. I just want you to be happy... no matter what."

Mark's words don't fail when pulling on his heart strings. He will never forgive himself for putting him through so much heartbreak, all the false promises he made just to save his own skin, it's disgusting. Mark has always been a true friend to him, whenever Robbie mocked him, Mark would be there to defend him, which was difficult seeing as him and Robbie were like brother's, it wasn't easy secretly dating your band mate who was best friend's with his soon to be enemy. Closing his eyes, shakily he breathes. No apology will ever be able to mend Mark's broken heart, but an explanation of some kind will have to do, for now. "...Mark...about...about what I did...I...well-" His mouth opens, but the words fail to leave his tongue. The door swings open and Mark almost stumbles out of his chair when Dawn's voice enters the room. Pulling his hands back into his own lap, both heads shoot into the direction of the female standing at the door.

"How's the writing going?" Warmly she smiles.

"Er..."

"Good thanks, babe." Easily Gary lies. He's always been a good liar, after all, he did promise Mark a life together, of course he can lie about the littlest things without even thinking about it, he's a natural.

Noticing the smile on Gary's face, happily she sighs. "I've put dinner on for us, so it shouldn't be long now. Then I better be getting my train."

"Oh?" The older man frowns his eyebrows. "You're off somewhere?"

"Yeah, well...it was actually a last minute thing. With Mark staying the week, I thought maybe I should leave you both to it. You don't want me constantly interfering, I know how easily you get annoyed." Running her hand through Gary's bed hair, she tilts her head down at her husband. "...I got a call from my sister in law, with the new baby just settling and my brother off working, I thought it'd be nice if I go and help out for the week."

"Are you sure, love? You won't be in the way of me and Mark, we'll just be in here most of the time anyway."

"No, it's fine. It's nice to see you smiling and I know how much you've missed Mark over the years. It'll be good... for the pair of you." Placing a tender kiss onto Gary's lips, Mark licks his bottom lip and averts his eyes away from the couple. "I better get back to dinner."

"We'll be down in a minute." Lightly Gary smiles and watches as Dawn leaves the room.

Downing the liquid from his mug, Mark uses the back of his hand to wipe away the wetness from his lips before speaking. "...You've missed me...?" A lopsided grin fills his face.

 

Maybe Mark coming over wasn't such a bad idea after all... 


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh Emily, she's a star in the makin', I'm telling you lad!" Sitting at the recording studio's desk, Gary flicks through various photos from the Barlow's recent holiday to Turkey. "Gorgeous little thing. Good set of lungs on her an' all."

Leaning on his elbows, Mark admires the look on Gary's face more than the screen in front of him. It's the first time Gary's properly smiled since he arrived and he's finally gained a bit of colour and brightness in his face. "Followin' in Daddy's footsteps, I assume?"

The colour drains from Gary's face in an instant by Mark's comment. "...She'll have a bright future. She wont be a failure, she won't take after me and I'm glad she won't. I want her to have a successful career and life."

Seeing the new emotion on his friend's face, causes his heart to sink, the smallest things seem to set him off. Right now, Mark feels like bashing his head on the nearest wall for not thinking his words through. "S...s...so, Dan?...He's part of the local footie team?"

The blonde clears his throat and shifts on the sofa, automatically his arm curls around the back of Mark, almost touching his frame, but he regretably pulls back. "...Yeah. He's incredible, but can that boy shout! You should hear the mouth on him whilst he's on the pitch." Lightly Gary laughs. "...Such a talented little boy. I'm such a proud Dad of the pair of them."

The slideshow comes to an end and Gary closes the laptop with a huff. Moving closer to Gary without realising, he places the side of his head onto Gary's forearm. "...Planning on having any more...? Kids I mean, I'm sure you've got more holidays up your sleeve."

Squinting his eyebrows, faintly Gary forces out a smile. "Erh...no...I doubt it."

"Oh? Nothing wrong with you and-...shit, sorry, that was rude of me." Swiftly the brunette sits up with a worried expression growing on his face. "I shouldn't ask things like that. Your private life stays quiet."

Instead of raising his voice like most people would in this situation, he drops his hand to rest on the top of Mark's thigh and lightly squeezes. "...Me and...me and Dawn...haven't...you know...in a while." Tapping his fingers lightly against Mark's trousers, his eyes remain focused on his hand. "...I guess...I guess I've lost my passion, you know? Since being diagnosed, then again...who'd want to have sex with...with _this_?!" Moving his hands up and down his body, he releases a deep sigh. Mark almost chews the tip of his tongue off, the answer is close to being spoken. "...Sorry...I'm pitying myself again, I'm being daft, aren't I?"

Faintly Mark smiles and edges back closer towards the blonde. "You are...being daft that is, but I should be use to you by now." Eyeing up Gary's face, he furrows his brows when he notices something around his mouth. "...But I'm not use to _this_?" Moving his hand towards Gary's mouth, very lightly his finger tips skim across the thin hairs on his face. "...Never had you down as a goatee fan."

Gary breathes out a laugh. "Christ, you're making me sound like a hippie teen at Glastonbury. A goatee." He shakes his head with a half grin. 

Mark smirks and continues to stroke the beard. "...I kinda...like it, actually..." Tilting his head, he admires Gary's mouth, allowing his fingertips to brush across Gary's lips, he can't help but smile when he feels the wetness of Gary's tongue against his finger.

"...You always wanted me to grow a beard, but I never liked them..." Staring up at the younger man, the flutters haven't left his stomach ever since Mark's arrival.

"And you always wanted me to grow my hair..." The warm breath leaving Mark's parted lips hits against Gary's left cheek. They're dangerously close, it's almost like Mark's toeing with the friendship barrier. "...So I _did_..." Whispering out the words, a knot instantly forms in Gary's chest. There's a tightness around his heart and his eyes widen by Mark's confession. Feeling the nerves reappear, sharply he clears his throat and turns his head away from Mark.

"...It...It's getting late..." Hoarsely he speaks. "I better ring...er..."

" _Dawn_?"

Gary blinks his eyes and licks his bottom lip. It's almost like the gaze and moment he's shared with Mark has made him forget about reality. "...Y...Yeah. I'll show you to your room...and you can unpack..."

Feeling Gary's brush off, Mark nods understanding why. He's gone _too_ far. "...Sure, that'll be great. I'm feeling kinda tired." He lies. He could happily sit up until early hours of the morning talking to Gary or even just laying with him, sadly that isn't going to happen anytime soon.

\-------------------------------

Dinner was quiet, the phone call to Dawn was awkward and the notepad and pen remain untouched in the studio. It's just struck ten and Gary's already tucked up in bed, _alone_. It's yet again another night of rain and frustration takes over his tiredness. Kicking back the covers, quietly he tip toes down the stairs. Mark looked exhausted so he ended up having an early night, no wonder, London is a terrible place to travel to. Opening the ajar door of the studio, he switches on the light and wiggles the mouse of the computer. Pulling back the swivel chair, he takes a seat as the computer screen lights up on the home screen.

After fifteen minutes trying to piece together a string of lyrics, he's found himself typing Mark's name into Google. Sitting back in the chair, his finger hovers above the enter button, still in two minds whether to search or not. After a short debate, he goes along with his head and searches through pages of online news articles. Ignoring the ones about his first solo album 'Green Man' flopping, something ends up sticking out at him like a sore thumb. Blinking his eyes, his elbows rest on the desk whilst he takes a closer look.

_**"Heart- throb Mark Owen and girlfriend Chloe Bailey, split after two years!"** _

Gary licks his bottom lip and clicks open the link.

 _"It was about commitment. Before I could make any commitment to anyone, I wanted to spend a bit of time with me, to see who I am. It really had nothing to do with my career..."_ Mark explains in the article, highlighting the reasons why the relationship simply didn't work out, one of the many good things about Mark, is, he's extremely honest in interviews, unlike Gary who prefers to beat around the bush. _"I do want to get married and have kids, but not yet. I want to spend at least five years on my own, but I do get lonely sometimes, thankfully I have friends and my band to take my mind off things."_ After a serious explanation about his break up, he ends it on a lighter note. _"...Who knows, in five years time, I could be gay!"_

Lightly Gary laughs to himself and he feels his cheeks burn. Even though the interview was mainly about his break up, somehow Mark managed to sneak Gary in at times, but he never mentioned anything about _their_ relationship break up. No matter how heart broken Gary left him, Mark was still loyal enough to keep their private relationship out of the papers. Breathing out a sigh which is nor happy or sad, he shuts down the computer, with heavy feeling eyelids, he finally makes his way back upstairs. Holding onto the banister, he releases a yawn, but soon gets interrupted. The faint sound of sniffling causes him to freeze on the top step. Edging closer to the sound, after a few steps, he ends up standing outside the guest bedroom door. Hearing the heavy breathing and the soft whimpers, his mouth opens to speak, but words fail to be spoken.

_It's Mark._

Mark's crying? Leaning his head against the door frame of the closed door, he feels a firm tug on his heart strings, feeling completely helpless. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Sitting alone at the breakfast time, the rim of Gary's mug rests against his lips, he takes a sip of the tepid liquid and sighs. It's seven in the morning and he's actually out of bed early for once. Then again there's no surprise why he's awake so early, after a long debate whether to go into Mark's bedroom last night to ask why he was crying or to at least comfort him, he decided to leave it until the morning, however, with the thought playing on his mind all night, he barely slept a wink. The sound of a loud creak on one of the stairs, causes a voice to softly hiss under a breath. "...Shit." Faintly Gary smiles to himself at Mark's worry, he should really get someone out to fix that step. Shuffling of the younger man's bare feet are heard as they pad along the hallway and into the kitchen, catching Gary's full attention when a shadow appears behind him."...G...Gaz?"

Placing his mug back onto the table, he forces out a smile whilst looking over his right shoulder. "...Mornin'." As soon as he lays eyes on Mark's body, his mouth almost hits the floor. There he stands just inches away wearing nothing but a tight pair of white boxers. Staring longer than he should, quickly he thinks of a topic of conversation. "...D...Did...I er...wake...you?" Sharply he clears his throat with a dry cough.

Mark scratches the messy hair at the back of his head and walks over towards the table, unaware of Gary's sudden feelings. "...No. I'm usually an early bird." Loudly he yawns and stretches his arms up above his head, showing off that famous dolphin tattoo. Gary licks his lips whilst focusing his eyes onto the inked creature attached to his hip.

"I...I see." Scanning the kitchen for something to concentrate on and away from Mark's almost naked body, he settles on a photograph which was taken at a cottage the family stayed in two years ago. "...Did...you sleep well?"

Mark takes the chair beside him and sits at the table, still he runs his hands through his hair trying to neaten it up the best that he can, but fails. "...Erh...y...yeah. Like a rock." He lies through his teeth and Gary nods. There's no point bringing up the fact that he heard Mark crying last night whilst he stood at his doorway and never spoke a word, what kind of friend will that make him? He's left Mark upset after the break up and he's done it again. "...You?"

"Not...too _bad_." Drumming his fingers against the wood, he still chooses to avoid eye contact and focusses them onto the oven. "...Hungry?"

"Sure." Abruptly Gary's lips curl and he pushes back his chair, the wood loudly scrapes against the stone tiles. "...I can do it." Immediately Mark holds a hand up, freezing Gary's movements. "What d'ya fancy?"

"Oh...um...scrabbled eggs?...On toast."

"And a slice of bacon on top?" Mark adds and hastily Gary nods in reply with bulging eyes. "Why did I even ask? I know your breakfast cravings like the back of me hand." He chuckles and walks over towards the fridge, allowing Gary's eyes to fully scan the back of his body, especially the tightness of the material around his backside.

Quietly the blonde breathes out a laugh whilst smirking and resting his hands onto the back of his head. "Could get use to this, lad."

Sarcastically the smaller male laughs with his head half way inside of the fridge. "Don't pretend this is the first time I've cooked you breakfast! I even ran downstairs at the hotel wearing nothin' but a pair of speedos just to get you a coffee. Seeing life today and staying in hotels with actual room service, shows you how tight Nige really was!"

"Tighter than me?"

"...Well." Mark pauses his movements to playfully scratch his chin whilst he thinks. "That can be kind of debatable, but seeing as I'm staying in your home, I better say he was a tighter git with cash than you."

"I see you're still a cheeky so and so, Mr Owen. And yeah, seeing as you are staying in my house, I expect this every morning..." Grinning like a Cheshire cat, Gary pats his covered fleshy stomach.

"If you were _my_ husband, I'd cook you breakfast in bed...every single morning."

The kitchen falls silent and the blonde tenses slightly, but also he feels his heart weaken by Mark's words. "...Yeah? You would of got bored after a while, I'd just live in bed until the next morning." Gary tries to laugh off their awkwardness.

"I don't think we would of had problem with that, we basically lived in bed when the band was coming to an end." Lightly Mark laughs and the tension lifts when Gary cracks a smile.

"Yeah, we did. Surprised we got anythin' done."

"Minus the dickhead manager, we had three supportive friends." Loudly the bacon sizzles in the frying pan, overpowering Mark's voice. "...Shame it went tits up."

"Huh? Watcha say?" Gary leans forwards and frowns at the amount of noise the bacon is making.

Sadly Mark smiles down at the frying pan and chooses to keep his thoughts to himself. Ever since arriving at the Barlow's, he's been biting his tongue. He can't ruin the friendship he has with Gary, he's ruined their relationship he can't lose him for good. Not _again_. "...Do you want another coffee?" Turning the heat down, he hisses as some oil spits out of the pan and onto his bare chest.

"Sure. I was thinking, after breakfast maybe we could go into the studio?" Gary arches a brow whilst reaching for the newspaper with a grunt. "...Think today could be the day, lad. I can feel it in me old bones." He declares whilst a broad grin fills his face.

\-------------------------

" _I'm fading away, I'm fading away, there's only seconds left to go..._ " Mark's fingers tightly grip to the wire swinging around his waist on the headphones which are placed against his ears.

"Bloody brilliant, mate." Gary speaks through the microphone whilst grinning through the glass box of the recording desk. Shyly Mark smiles whilst removing his headphones and hangs them onto the microphone stand, before opening the door of the recording box.

"You said that the first time."

"And you just keep gettin' better!" Proudly Gary grins whilst ending the recorded track. "Gonna email this to El, he's gonna love it!" Even thought Eliot isn't present in the room with them at this very moment (due to family commitments in New York) it didn't stop them from writing a possible (in Gary's words) _hit._

"You really think so? I'm not sure if me voice is suited to it. It's a great song, no doubt about that, but... maybe it's too good for me?"

"Nothin' is ever too good for you, Mark Owen. Trust me." Gary grips to the younger man's forearms and winks.

With legs like jelly, it's almost feels like Mark's just been complimented by his idol. Maybe he has just been complimented by his idol, even before their relationship, Mark has always, always looked up to Gary. He's always dreamt of having a voice and talent like Gary's, other than having a huge crush on him, he always preferred to work with him instead of the others (as harsh as that sounds), even with Gary's enormous ego at the start and through the band days, Mark always enjoyed working along side him and gaining new skills. "T...Thank you..."

"Come on! Stop lookin' like a slapped backside and lets have a listen and a sing song to it, yeah?!" Happily Gary suggests. The happiness grows by the passing seconds inside of Mark, not so much because they've finally written a song for his album, but just seeing the smile on Gary's face again (a _true_ smile this time, not any of those forced ones he's been doing since his arrival). Gary stares up at his friend, his emerald eyes glowing, showing the spark lighting up his face. Mark nods and presses the play button. This is more of an acoustic version of the song, so it's a lot slower than what they have in mind. At the moment its just a rough draft, the lyrics are spot on, but the backing track needs to be worked on. As soon as Mark's vocals begin, Gary bops his head in time with the gentle beat whilst tapping his hand against the recording desk, which is more playful than serious, only causing Mark to erupt into laughter.

"Sing with me." Softly Mark instructs whilst sitting on the edge of the recording desk where Gary's fingers continue to drum. It's been so long since he's last heard Gary sing, even since setting foot into the recording studio he hasn't heard him utter a single note. Gary screws his face almost like he's just sucked on a lemon and shakes his head. "Please." The younger man continues, whilst tugging the sleeve of Gary's dark brown turtle neck.

"Listen, Mark...I'm not-"

"...For _me_?"

As soon as the song hits the second chorus, a faint smile twitches on the corners of his lips. "Two minutes left to go, is this the end then?-" Gary mumbles, almost inaudible.

Gently Mark laughs and slides off from the desk. "You can do better than that!" Clasping their hands together, Mark pulls Gary out of his chair and begins to dance. "Wiggle your hips, Gaz! These are _your_ four minutes..."

Unable to hold back the giggles, they end up bumping hips whilst their hands remain glued together. Being made to sing was bad enough, but _now_ having to dance with his best mate is something he never expected to happen when waking up this morning. "I can't dance, Mark. You know that."

"Stop talking, come 'ere." Draping an arm over the blonde's shoulder, their fingers entwine together. Gary steps forwards and meets Mark's rhythm, their hips brushing together and his spare hand snakes around Mark's small waist, closing the gap between them.

"I think of _you_..." Broadly Mark smiles, inches away from Gary's face which is filled with a large grin.

"...I think of me..."

Suddenly it feels like time has frozen and the world has stopped spinning. The music becomes a distant blur and nothing else matters other than the person standing opposite. Staring deep into one anothers eyes, Gary can feel the thumps of Mark's heart beat against his jumper. Their covered torsos continue to rub against each others, even though the dancing has come to an abrupt stop. Feeling the fear grow in his eyes and his heart swell in his chest, lazily Gary runs his tongue against his bottom lip, only causing Mark to make the first move. Pressing his lips lightly against the blonde's, both of their eyes immediately close by the contact. Gary's fingers dig into Mark's hips as a hand claws against the thick material covering his chest. Feeling the butterflies flutter in the pit of their stomachs, reality comes crashing back down around them as soon as Gary removes his hand from Mark's hip and pushes his palm flat against his chest, breaking the kiss instantly. Heavily the blonde breathes, but Mark can't make out whether it's because of the kiss or due to anger building inside of him, any second now he's expecting a punch or to be thrown out of the house, at least.

"G...Gar...Gary...I...I er-" The words stutter out of his mouth, as he looks up at his friend still with dilated pupils and his head violently spins.

Gary sucks his lips into his mouth and takes a step back. "...I...I need to...um..." Clearing his dry sounding throat with a cough, he doesn't even make eye contact with Mark. "...I better...ring...Dawn..." The final sentence comes out in a whisper and even though the song continues to blast out around them, Mark hears him word for word. Sadly he nods as Gary hurries out of the door. Mark always feels pain when he watches Gary turn his back on him, it's always such a painful image in his mind.

\----------------------------

Forty five minutes have passed since the last time they saw one another and after a good mental telling off, Mark finally decides to apologise or to at least say goodbye. Hearing the sound of the TV on low, he peers around the living room door to find Gary sitting alone on the sofa. Scanning his friend who stares blankly at the TV, he notices the redness underneath his eyes, possibly from being exhausted...or from... crying? "...Gaz?"

Slowly he brings his eyes up to meet Mark's and lightly smiles when their eyes meet. "...Hey..." Quietly he speaks.

"I...I've come...I've come to apol-"

"Come 'ere...take a seat." Gesturing his head at the empty space beside him on the cream leather, his arm rests across the back of it.

Feeling incredibly nervous and confused, Mark obey's the polite instruction. Awkwardly sitting next to his friend on the sofa, the room is almost pitch black apart from the changing colours on the TV. "D...Did you...ring Da-"

"I use to be obsessed with this show." The blonde interrupts and continues to focus on the screen. "...I wasn't any good at it, so I don't know why I stayed in day and night watching it."

Turning his head away from his friend, dryly he swallows whilst eyeing up the screen. "...Countdown...?" Lightly Mark breathes out a laugh. "...Didn't really have you down as a quiz master."

"Aye. I'd watch anything to avoid leaving the house. None of the knowledge went in though." Tapping the side of his head, he smirks. "...Watched you an' all..."

Cracking his head into Gary's direction almost immediately by his words, he frowns his eyebrows in confusion. "...Watched...me?"

"Yeah. In that house...can't remember the name."

"... _Big Brother_?"

Gary laughs and nods. "That's the one. Didn't know you were part of it until one day I was dozing on the sofa and I heard your name. Thought I was dreamin'. Hadn't heard that name in some time..."

"...What did you think...?"

"Was good, yeah. You showed the world who you truly are and somehow you managed to ditch the boy band tag."

Mark chuckles and sinks back into the sofa. "Oh no, I haven't got rid of that. I'm still _Mark Owen, the cute and smiley one from the boy band_ , I'll be seventy and I'll still have that tag."

Still with his eyes glued to the screen, faintly he smiles. "...Voted for ya..."

"Hmm?"

"...For you to win. I called in. First time I properly used me phone, but at least it was worth it."

Chewing his bottom lip, shyly Mark looks down at his knees. "...You shouldn't have, I wasn't all that bothered about winning, it was nice to spend time with friendly people though. It made me feel human again."

"You deserved it. At least you stopped me from going completely insane." He barks out a laugh then seconds later deeply sighs. "...Shame I can't say that about Dawn."

"...What do you mean?"

Twiddling his thumbs together in his lap, faintly his cheeks burn a light crimson. "...Being locked in the bedroom watching my best mate on TV...on repeat... wasn't enjoyable for her. I'd spend day and night, just laying in bed...watching..." Frowning his brows, he pauses for a brief moment. "...Watchin'... _you_. I remember one night...I must of promised to take her out for a meal when the kids stayed at my parents house. She came into the bedroom...in a gorgeous silk dress, seriously, she looked as if she was about to step foot onto a red carpet." Lightly Mark smiles over the growing love in Gary's eyes, the same look he use to be on the receiving end of. "...I didn't remember organising or agreeing so she was...kinda pissed to see me lounging around in me undies, I guess I'm too much to handle sometimes and it isn't fair on her, she deserves so...so much more." Gary's face hardens and shakily he speaks, immediately Mark notices the sadness growing in his friend's face and wraps a supportive arm over his shoulder, pulling him closer. "...I remember what she said though. _'You spend day and night glued to that damn thing! It's Mark this, Mark that! He might as well be part of this marriage!...You should of married him!'_ Then she stormed off..."

Unable to find the right words, Mark's fingers continue to stroke Gary's covered shoulder. "...No wonder she left when I arrived. I didn't want to make anyone awkward...especially...not Dawn."

"She didn't leave because of you..."

"No? Then why did she leave so...abrupt? And why do you keep ringing to see if she's OK? If she's at her sister in law's, then why do you keep worrying so much about her?" Chewing the tip of his tongue, awkwardly Gary clears his throat. "...What? Why are you tensing up on me?...Am I missing something, Gaz?"

Blinking his eyes up into his agitated friend's view, deeply he sighs. "...I...I...I told...I told Dawn." Running a hand across his jaw, he mumbles out the final sentence. "...Dawn knows about... _us._ "


	4. Chapter 4

Five minutes fade and it feels like fifty years have passed by before Gary finally breaks the awkward silence. "...Say something... _please_?" He almost begs as he turns to look at Mark, who still continues to act like a rabbit in headlights. 

 

Knitting his brows together, shakily he whispers out the words which he's managed to string together. "...I...I don't...I don't know what to say...just...why?" 

 

Deeply Gary sighs and his thumbs knock against one another whilst they rest in his lap (Mark knows he only does that when he's nervous). "...There wasn't really a lot to say...she already knew that there was somethin' going on." 

 

" _Something going on?_  You make out as if we we're plotting a murder..." 

 

"You know what I mean. Only me and you, _obviously_...and the boys knew-" 

 

"And Nigel. He caught us kissing near the tour buses in Manchester, remember that?" Bitterly Mark speaks. 

 

"...I  _do_...I remember a lot, Mark." 

 

"Really? I thought you had forgotten, I mean if you forgot about being in a relationship with me for the past  _three_  years, surely you'd forget about the small details?" 

 

Gary rubs his palm against his aching face and releases an exhausted sigh. "...I didn't want this to cause an argument...I just wanted to tell you-"

 

"Tell me?!" Mark almost spits as he shoots upright on the sofa. "If you're trying to be honest with me, Gary, you're a little too late!" 

 

"Do you think this is easy for me, Mark?" The blonde frowns. "Seeing you upset?...It fuckin' kills me." 

 

" _This_? This right now, what you're seeing is nothing. It's nothing compared to what I've been living with! All of those lies you fed me over the years, telling me what I wanted to hear...planning your life with me...living in the lake district and having kids whilst growing old together. Why...? Why, Gary?!" 

 

Gary closes his eyes and runs his thumb across each one of his eyebrows, trying the best that he can to hold back the waterworks. "...Is this why you came over here?" 

 

"What?" Heavily Mark breathes, feeling the anger increase as each minute passes. 

 

"...Is that why you're staying here for the week? Because you wanted to question me? You deserve answers, I bloody know you do, but really...you choose to do that _now_ , with my state of mind? I hate myself enough as it is, I don't need you digging the knife in further."

 

"...Please...please don't say that..." Deeply Mark exhales and pulls himself together the best that he can. "And...no. That isn't the reason why I'm here, I'm here to work with you-" 

 

"But why? You're friends with Robbie still.  _The_  Robbie Williams international pop star, yet you choose to work with a washed up ageing man who's lost his deal and is desperate for people to forget his name. You choose that?! Why? Is it pity?" 

 

"No...no..." Almost inaudibly the brunette mumbles. "...No! It's not pity at all-"

 

"Well what then? If you didn't want to squeeze answers out of me and if it isn't because of pity, why are you here?" This time Gary becomes frustrated, which is mainly down to confusion and a new emotion which he can't seem to put his finger on. Ignoring his question, Mark chooses to sit in silence, almost like he's expecting a good telling off from his parent. Drawing his knees together, his eyes close for a brief moment, trying to piece his mind together. "Tell me..." Gary continues to press, but gets no avail. "Tell m-" 

 

"Because I missed you!" Loudly Mark yells and jumps up off the sofa, causing Gary to flinch and his eyes to widen by the unexpected shout. "You've damaged me over the years, but still... I miss you... and I always...will. I don't know why it is, it's just the way...it is...! Stupid, I know." Shakily Mark breathes and his eyes begin to water. 

 

Feeling incredibly guilty, it almost makes him want to throw up. "Mark." Reaching out towards the smaller man, he shrugs away Gary's hand. " _Please_."

 

Standing still for a few seconds with his arms folded across his chest and his eyes focusing on anything other than Gary's, he decides enough is enough and that what they use to have, can never be. "I'm...I'm going...to bed. There's no point anymore..." Brushing away a loose tear which rolls down his cheek, softly he shakes his head. "...I'll be gone by morning. Don't worry." 

 

"No, Mark...wa-" Before Gary gets chance to beg Mark to stay, he quickly hurries out of the room, filling the blonde's ears with his gentle cries. Falling back against the sofa, his hands cover his face and his heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach. This is the second time he's heard Mark cry this week, and it's all his fault. Even if Gary is too stubborn to admit the feelings he still has for Mark, (due to the now complications in his life which are preventing the two from being together again) it's clear to see that they're both desperate to at least hold one another and pour their hearts out, even if it will be for the last time. 

 

\-------------

 

It's past three in the morning and it takes two glasses of red wine until Gary finally decides to call it a night. Reaching the top of the stairs, instead of turning right and walking straight into the open door of his bedroom, he freezes to the spot. Staring at the closed guest bedroom door, he shuffles over towards it as quiet as he possibly can and presses his ear against it. _Silence_. Mark has always been such a quiet and peaceful sleeper, even if he did actually snore, he never managed to wake Gary up. Debating with himself once again whether or not to go inside, after a few deep breathes, he takes the risk. After all, the night couldn't get possibly worse. Thankfully the door doesn't creak, but the light from outside manages to disturb the younger man's sleep. Groaning lightly, he wraps his arms tightly around the duvet, almost as if he's clinging onto it for dear life. "Shhh..." Nervously Gary whispers whilst creeping over towards the bed, his legs turn into jelly with every step he takes. Just by hearing the voice manages to interrupt Mark once again. 

 

"G...G...Gary...?" Weakly he whispers out whilst trying to open his heavily feeling eyelids. 

 

"It's...It's OK...go back to sleep..." Lifting up the duvet which covers Mark's back, as careful as possible, he slides into the empty space in the bed, causing Mark to fall against him due to the extra weight on the mattress. 

 

"What...w...what are...you...-" Unable to fight the tiredness, he rests his head back onto the pillow. Gary's heart continues to violently thump against his chest whilst he lays closely beside Mark in the bed. It's  _too late_  to turn back now. Hearing Mark's gentle breathes indicates that he's fallen back to sleep, without asking questions, which instantly makes Gary become calmer. Silently the blonde breathes whilst staring up at the ceiling. It doesn't feel odd when sharing a bed with Mark, he's been longing to have a moment like this again, the only difference this time is that he  _can't_  hold Mark in his arms which he use to do, he _has_ to fight the urge. Closing his eyes, the memories flood back into his mind and his heart saddens, which shortly gets interrupted before he's able to over think the situation. A hand reaches for his own and gently removes it from his stomach. Immediately his eyes snap open, noticing that his hand is tightly being held by Mark as he continues to lay with his back towards him. "...Still...here..." Very quietly a voice whispers and happily sighs when nudging his face against the silk pillow case.

 

Blinking his eyes, trying to hold back the tears, carefully he closes the gap between their bodies. Finally they end up spooning for the first time in almost ten years. "...A...always..." Shakily he whispers back. 

 

\-----------------

 

"Mhmm..." Nuzzling his face against the duvet which remains wrapped up to his neck, Mark begins to stir in his sleep. As the tiredness begins to wear off, a smile appears, whilst fidgeting around in the spacious bed. Weakly he flickers open his eyes whilst searching around in the empty space behind him. "...G...Gaz?" Frowning his eyebrows at the coldness of the under sheet, swiftly he glances over his shoulder, to find out he's once again alone in bed. Flopping back down onto the pillow, deeply he sighs and screws up his face by the emptiness reappearing in his heart. "It was all a dream." He thinks to himself. "Just a dream..." Slowly he sits up in the bed and silently thinks to himself for a few minutes, before deciding to pack. Feeling like he's been hit by a train, he drops to his knees and reaches for his suitcase. Suddenly the door swings open to his surprise, which doesn't even give him chance to unzip his case. Remaining on his hands and knees beside the bed, a blonde head appears around the door. 

 

"Ah, you're awake!" Widely he grins, the second grin Mark has witnessed since arriving here. "Didn't think you'd ever wake up." Walking inside the bedroom, his hair is wet and he's dressed in a dressing gown which has been tightly tied. It doesn't even register in Mark's mind, that Gary could possibly be completely naked under there. "What are you doing on the floor? Come back to bed, yeah?" Confused doesn't even describe Mark's state of mind at the moment. Blinking up at the older man who comfortably sits in the double bed, his mood swiftly changes and his brows rest over brooding eyes, something is on his mind. Not speaking a word, Mark climbs back into the bed and settles beside him in the empty space. Drumming his fingers against his covered kneecap, strangely Gary is the first to break the silence. "...You didn't let go of me hand last night...not until I went for a shower this morning..." 

 

It takes a couple of seconds until Gary's words are absorbed. "...R...Really? Oh..." 

 

Pressing his lips into a thin horizontal line, the blonde lightly nods in reply. "...Is there a reason behind it?" Noticing Mark immediately begin to tense, Gary places a hand over the top of the duvet which covers his legs. "...You know you can tell me anythin'...I'll  _never_ judge you." 

 

Running a hand through his messy hair, inaudibly he sighs. "...It's silly, really." 

 

"Tell me..." 

 

It takes a least two minutes for Mark to think clearly enough to start his story, Gary doesn't force it out of him, instead he sits back and his thumb continues to stroke against the duvet on Mark's legs to show his support. "...It was erm...around the time before we started...dating." Dryly he swallows and brushes his fingers against his lips. "...When we use to sneak into one another's rooms, when everything was a secret. I use to remember the disappointment I'd feel when waking up alone after sleeping in your arms the previous night, but at the time, you couldn't stay. That's until we made it more official, we got caught and confessed to the lads...then we confessed to Nige, even though he threatened to pull the plug on the band if we didn't call it quits, we  _still_  continued to see one another." Casting back their minds to the conversation they had with Nigel, a faint smile grows on both of their faces by the memory.  

 

" _We promise, Nige. No more...it ends today._ Five minutes later when Nigel leaves the room _...so...fancy dinner tonight, lad? My treat._ " Gary reacts the exact conversation, causing the pair of them to giggle. 

 

"Still so clear in my mind..." Sadly he sighs as the smile begins to fade. "...One night I had a dream...it was around the time Pray was about to be released and I think you had an argument with Rob and he decided to go out clubbing, so you got in bed with me knowing he'd come back pissed and not notice you were in the same room. We fell asleep early for once and that's when I started dreaming...well, when I started to have a nightmare infact. I can't remember the exact vision, but you left me...not just going next door and I'll see you later like what use to happen, you ended up disappearing...without a say and without a trace." Mark's bottom lip begins to tremble as he exhales a shaky breath. "...I cried that morning in the shower and I had a sick feeling for a good few days and I was slacking in rehearsals...which you ended up noticing." Licking his lips nervously, his throat tightens, almost cutting off his oxygen. Gary watches every movement and clentches his jaw whlist forcing back the tears. "The lads were going out with the competitions winners and I went to bed early because I was too exhausted, so you made up some excuse about writing new material...that's when you sat me down...and built up my dreams...little did I know...-" Pausing for a moment, heavily he sniffs whilst wiping away the tears which slide down his cheeks. "...Little did I know that the dream was soon going to become a reality." 

 

"I...I...never..." Guilt continues to eat at Gary causing him to struggle when finding the right words. "You never told me that..." 

 

"I guess I thought if I told you...then you'd consider it as an option when I fuck things up...and I did...so you left me even without me giving you ideas about it, probably read my mind." He breathes out a laugh. "That explains why I would hold your hand every night when we stayed together...I didn't even know I was doing it and thankfully you were a deep sleeper...so you never questioned me. It would relax me and help me get a good nights sleep, just by knowing you were still close by..." Pinching the bridge of his nose, more and more tears fade into the duvet as they drip off his face. 

 

"Y...you didn't...fuck anything up...I promise you, Mark. You're not to blame for anything which happened." 

 

" _No_? Then why have I been beating myself up for years?! Why did you take off without saying a word? Why did you cheat on me? I know I'm asking too many questions and I know you're not well enough to answer them, but I want this to stop. I want to stop drinking myself stupid to numb the pain or cry myself to sleep when I'm sober. I can't take it anymore, Gary." 

 

Staring long and hard into Mark's red puffy eyes, he's broken. There's not a chance that Gary can fix what he's broken, but there's no harm in trying. "...Let...let me..." Briefly Gary pauses whilst reaching for Mark's hand from underneath the duvet. Entwining their fingers together, unable to hold back the tears for much longer, he finally gives in. "...Let me explain.  _Everything_." 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Sitting opposite one another at the kitchen table, Gary lifts the steaming mug of strong liquid towards his lips and takes a small sip. Even though it's just struck one thirty in the afternoon, the men still remain in their nightwear and the lack of sleep (from the previous nights) begins to show on their aching faces. "...She likes _you_...you know?" A voice croaks out. Gradually Mark's eyes focus onto Gary's, full of confusion. "... _Dawn._.."

  
"Yeah, I can imagine her being my number one fan right now. I mean...who wouldn't be? Her boyfriend at the time was cheating on her with his best mate and has lived a life full of lies...I'm sure she _loves_ me for that."

  
Placing his mug back onto the table, briefly he closes his eyes whilst shaking his head. "...You're acting like you're the reason I was...I...I mean... _am_...gay. Of course it upset her...she even threw me out...when I eventually told her..."

  
"Really...?" The brunette furrows his brows and sounds surprised by Gary's confession. He never knew about that, even if it was expected.

  
Lightly he nods. "It only lasted a few days, I stayed in a nearby hotel...but the kids were asking for me and she didn't want them to grow up without knowing their father...she knew that I was a mess, but for some reason she still loves me, I don't deserve her..." Deeply the older man sighs. "...She took me back in...and forgave me..."

  
"...So you told her... _everything_?" Not speaking a word, Gary nods in reply. "...Lucky Dawn. I guess she deserved the truth more than I ever did."

  
"I was going to leave her, you know? I was going to leave her and come looking for you...I _had_ to see you again...I had to explain. It was before the wedding...but then we found out that she was pregnant. She was three months pregnant with Daniel...I couldn't...I couldn't leave her Mark. My children are my world...and I love Dawn-"

  
"...Of course...I under...I understand that." Mark's throat tightens and it becomes difficult to swallow whilst trying to force back the tears.

  
Running his tongue across his bottom lip, shakily he speaks minutes later. "...I...I love her...I...I love...I love Dawn...so...so much...but...she...she isn't _you_." Just by hearing those words, swiftly Mark's head lifts and tears fill his eyes. "...She isn't you...and she _never_ will be...and...and she knows that...and she's only started coming to terms with understanding that after me telling her." A single tear rolls down Gary's cheek and the frown on his face deepens. "...There were so many reasons why we couldn't be together...so much was holding us back, from the band...to our friends and family...even because of the fact that AIDS were a big thing in the nineties, we wouldn't of survived the press being at such a young age. I shouldn't of left you like that-"

  
"Did you really think I wouldn't notice? That I would just wake up one morning and never see you again, did you think I could forget?" Mark's bottom lip begins to tremble.

  
"...I...I was in a bad way, Mark. You know that I was. I started speaking to Dawn, at first it was only to get the press off our backs, so we could settle down once the band had ended, but the plan didn't work like that...I fell in love with her...and I didn't want to hurt you-"

  
"I knew you were cheating on me...but I was willing to forgive you...you meant so much to me, Gary and I wasn't about to let a fling ruin us."

  
"Oh Christ..." Instantly Gary's face falls into his hands and painfully he sighs. "...I...I don't...I don't deserve you...and...and I never ha-"

  
"Don't. Don't say that."

  
"I mean it." He sniffs whilst wiping away his tears. "...I've never deserved you...and that's why I had to let you go. I had to give you a life of your own. If we came out gay to the world...the plans of your career would of gone down the drain."

  
"They already did without coming out." Sadly Mark points out. His head begins to spin when trying to absorb the emotions and Gary's words. He feels sick, but he's waited far too long to end the conversation so soon.

  
"They didn't...you've always had so much faith in other people, but when it comes to yourself, it's a different story-" (The pot calling the kettle black, Mark thinks to himself) "...I couldn't let you waste your life away because of me."

  
Mark closes his eyes and sharply intakes a breath of air, almost like he's just been punch in the gut. "...It's almost been seven years... seven years since the band split and _seven years_ since you left me. You didn't want me to waste my life away just because you thought I'd throw my career away? You don't understand the half of it, Gary." Bitterly he speaks.

  
"Then tell me!" Reaching across the table, he takes Mark's hand in his own and firmly squeezes it. "...Tell _me_...make me understand..."

  
The younger man's eyes fix onto their hands. Silently he admires the way that his hand fits so perfectly into Gary's, he has never enjoyed holding hands with his ex partners, it just didn't feel... _right_. Watching the way Gary's thumb delicately brushes over his own, just by the smallest amount of contact manages to bring him back down to reality and his nerves settle. "Ever...ever since you left...with the dreams and everything else...it stopped me from being able to sleep and live a normal life...sure it's helped me write my true emotions down as lyrics in the songs, but when it comes to repeating them...it brings everything back, there's no escaping. I visited Rob during one of his gigs at Knebworth...it was a fantastic gig...there were more people in the audience at that one gig than there was at all the Take That gigs combined...I wish you were there to witness it...I wish you were there to greet me after I won Big Brother too, because that's better than _any_ award. Rob obviously knew about us and that's why he reacted the way that he did with you...I _was_ and _still in some way_ am Robbie's best friend, thankfully he cares too much about me as a friend, that's why he didn't say anything in the press about our relationship...he knew I was in a bad way with my mind, drink and drugs...who knew what I would of done."

  
A look of horror fills Gary's face and his skin turns pale. "Y...Y...You...You wouldn't...you...you didn't...r...ri...right?" Nervously Gary speaks and even his hands begin to shake.

  
"I...No. I didn't. Sure, I was upset...and I'm still hurting, but...I couldn't do something like that." Immediately Gary breathes out a sigh of relief and rests his fingers over his mouth. "...The booze and drugs numb the pain for a little while...but looking back on the relationships I've had during that time...it wasn't fair on them. I wasn't the best boyfriend...I could of been better but I chose not to. They knew that I was in love with somebody else...they just never knew who, they probably didn't even know that the love of my life was a guy..." Frowning his eyebrows, their hands break contact. Shaking his head loudly Mark huffs before standing to his feet. "This is ridiculous." Sadly he speaks whilst turning his back towards Gary. Staring out of the window, weakly he sighs.

  
"I...I know...that no apology will ever fix things between us...but I don't want to lose you...not _again_..." Within seconds, Gary stands behind the figure and nervously places a hand onto his shoulder.

  
"You cared more about our careers than you did about our relationship..." Mumbling softly, Mark doesn't turn to look at Gary, he can't even look him in the eyes anymore.

  
"N...n...no...no, Mark. That...that isn't-"

  
"I would of given up everything I had to be with you...I would of even slept on the streets if it came to it, just so that I could have you in my life. You meant _more_ to me than any record deal...and...and you... _still_ do..." Almost inaudibly Mark whispers out the final word, feeling the pain increase in his heart when speaking out each and every word.

  
With a lump in his throat, he takes a firmer grip onto Mark's shoulder. "...L...Look at...Look at me..." A gentle shake of the head disobeys Gary's demand. Without repeating the question, forcefully he spins Mark around on the spot and pushes his back against the work surface. Red trails show on his cheeks as the tears continue to run down his face and sadness continues to grow in his eyes. Using the back of his hand, gingerly he brushes them away. "...I'm...I'm...sorry..." Resting his forehead against Mark's, tightly he holds him around the waist, bringing them closer. "...Sorry..."

  
Noticing how close Gary's lips are getting to his own, Mark tilts his face away from his contact. "D...Don't..." Quietly he whispers.

  
Ignoring the younger man's comment, a hand cups his face and brings it back into his view. Their noses bump against one another and their lips become parted, enough to feel their warm breath against each other's faces. Gripping tighter to the work surface, there's no place for Mark to escape...(and it's not as if he wants to). Instantly his eyes close as soon as he feels Gary's bottom lip skim against his own. "...Please...please don't cry..."

  
Unable to control it for much longer, Gary is first to close the inch gap between their mouths. Delicately their lips press together at first, merely lasting for a couple of seconds. Pulling away, they stare deep into one anothers eyes, seeing the growing lust and fear reflect in their eyes, their hearts violently thump in sync. "Seven...seven...years..." Kissing the side of Gary's mouth, heavily he begins to breathe.

  
Taking hold of both of Mark's forearms, he pushes him towards the table, knocking the mugs and vase onto the stone flooring, causing the room to fill with the loud smashes, but neither of them are aware of their surroundings, as their lips become connected once again. The brunette's back almost rests flat against the table top as he clings onto Gary's t shirt for dear life. Passionately they kiss, almost as if their lives depend on it.

  
_It's been so long, too long._

  
All of their emotions come flooding back at once without even realising what's happening in reality. Ever since their first kiss back in the nineties, Mark has _always_ felt the fireworks explode in the pit of his stomach, even now.

  
Gary hasn't always been a fan of messy kissing, but this has become an exception. Parting his lips slightly, Mark doesn't hesitate when running his tongue against them, before he begins to explore his friend's mouth. "Oh...Christ..."

  
Apart from having the table uncomfortably pressing against his backside, Mark soon discovers something else. Eyeing up Gary's bed shorts, he notices that he's started to become hard already. Having to hold back the strong urge of wanting to rip Gary's shorts off and drop to his knees, that idea is soon plucked from his mind when the feel of his friend's lips kissing along his neck catches his full attention. "G...Gaz..." He groans out a husky breath as he wraps his legs around the blonde's waist, now feeling his hard cock dig into his thigh.

  
Mark begins to gasp for air, feeling Gary replace his lips with his tongue, it soon gets too much when teeth graze against the sensitive skin. "...Are...are you o-"

  
"Need...need to touch you...so bad..." Mark legs loosen and slide down Gary's body when he pulls away from his neck. His cheeks have turned pink and a serious look grows on his face, just seeing the facial expression brings back the memories of their relationship, which only continues to pain and confuse Mark.

  
A minute passes and Gary's eyes focus on the small visible piece of flesh showing below Mark's t shirt. Gary doesn't even bother questioning him whether that's one of his t shirts, he already knows it is, just by looking at the size of the damn thing, it almost reaches his knees and it's only now just been brought to his attention. The silence feels endless before Gary finally speaks again. "...If...if we do this...it doesn't happen in my bed...OK?" Running his large hands up Mark's thighs, his palms rest flat around his groin.

  
Words fail to leave Mark's mouth at first, his jaw hangs open and his eyes widen, surprised that Gary's given in so easily, so soon. "I...I...of course..."

  
\-----------------------------

  
Ever since leaving the kitchen, their hands haven't left one another's bodies. Somehow Gary managed to discard the over sized shirt which Mark was wearing before they made it up the stairs. Falling inside the guest bedroom, the door loudly slams behind them, causing Mark to flinch slightly during the passionate embrace. Breaking away, Mark runs his hands down Gary's arms and laces their fingers together. Walking over towards the neatly made bed, it seems days ago since they were last in it together, Mark's heart almost bursts out of his chest from the excitement and of course fear. Before Gary is able to kiss his friend's lips again, a finger pressing against his own prevents the contact. "W... What's...wrong?"

  
Noticing the growing concern and confusion on the older man's face, delicately Mark places a hand onto his cheek and stares deeply into his eyes. "Do you...want this?"

"Of...of co-"

  
"Honestly?...I don't want to force anything... You're not in the state of mind... I don't want to make it worse..."

  
Thinking for a brief moment, Gary reaches for the hand which remains on his cheek and covers it with his own. "I might be messed up in the head lately...but there's one thing that I know." Taking hold of Mark's hand, he rests the knuckles against his lips and softly pecks each one. "...I know that I...I love... I love you, Mark Owen..."

  
Raising his eyebrows, surprised by Gary's confession, there isn't time for anymore tears. "Come 'ere" Lightly he kisses the blonde on the lips, before pushing a hand against his chest, forcing his back to make contact with the mattress. Gary hums softly at the softness of the mattress underneath him and searches for Mark through the darkness of the bedroom. Snaking up his body, it doesn't taken long until he fingers touch the body part he's desired the most for the past seven years.

  
\-----------

  
Gary's large hands run up the naked figure's back who's straddling his naked lower body (Gary refused to remove his t shirt, that was one body part he refused to allow Mark's eyes to see, not as if Mark cares about the size of Gary's stomach). Reaching behind him, gently Mark continues to stroke Gary's hard cock, his fingers run down the rubber covering it and he grins down at his friend when feeling the generous amount of lube on the condom. Gary always ended up almost using a whole tube of lube when it came to having sex with Mark, he never wanted to cause any discomfort nor cause him any kind of pain. Not speaking a word, Mark's fingers stroke the thin hairs around Gary's mouth and slowly begins to lift himself up slightly, allowing his friend's dick to ever so lightly rest against his entrance. Not once does Gary take his eyes away from the male's face above him, inch by inch he begins to sink inside, causing him to become short of breath.

  
"Oh... Oh...my-" Shakily Mark moans out, it feels like he's just been set on fire, but that isn't going to stop him. Feeling the large dick sink deeper and deeper, after a short and painful struggle, finally Gary rests fully inside and Mark breathes out a sigh of relief, but still has his eyes closed whilst frowning. It takes a minute or two until Mark finds a comfortable position and rests one of his palms flat against Gary's heavy breathing chest.

  
"So...tight..." Mumbling whilst trying to catch his breath, the moment almost ends before it has even begun.

  
Noticing the look in Gary's eyes, Mark has to decide what's going to happen before Gary let's go. "G...gonna...gonna move now." He announces. Nimble fingers brush against the light chest hair visible above Gary's v neck t shirt. "I...I'm not...going to last long I'm afraid." 

Removing one of his hands from the smaller man's waist, he reaches up and cups the back of Mark's head, pushing their faces closer.  "Me either...we better make it worth the wait..." 

Unable to hold back his huge grin, Mark scatters kisses across Gary's jaw and trails them up towards his mouth where they tenderly press their lips together, slowly Mark begins to roll his hips whilst sitting on top of Gary. As much as they have loved having sex in the past, when it comes to their love making, it's a whole new feeling. "...Oh..." Whimpering against the side of the older man's lips, his fingers sink into the side of Gary's fleshy body. 

"Shhh...It's...It's...OK..." Running his hands down Mark's burning skin, they rest either side of his waist, helping him to move up and down into a steady pace. Getting lost in the moment, Gary gazes up at Mark in a loving way before slowly bucking his hips up against him. "...Oh...fuck..." Cursing almost breathless, heavily he begins to pant. 

"I...I...lov...oh...G...Gaz..." Trying to straighten his posture, he increases his speed almost rapidly. His hard cock rubs against the material covering Gary's body, merely giving him enough friction. 

"S...s...so...good..." Mumbling out the words, Gary's hand immediately reaches for Mark's neglected cock and begins to stroke it in time with their current movements. Even if this is the first time he's touched Mark during the seven year separation, he still knows each and every inch of his body, especially his dick. Snaking his other hand up towards Mark's chest, his fingers circle around his left nipple and lightly pinches the sensitive skin. 

"...Ah...fuck!" Loudly Mark chokes out, the pleasure continues to grow, causing his toes to curl and his eyes to slam shut. "You're...you're...driving me...insane!" 

Slowing down the jerks of his wrist, his thumb circles the head and rubs in the leaking pre come. "...Let go...let go Marky..." Using every piece of energy, tiredly he groans out his demand. 

It only takes a few more flicks of Gary's wrist and Mark obeys. Spilling his load into the palm of his hand, the rest ends up shooting onto his t shirt and onto his own bare stomach. "Oh...oh my God!" Dropping his forehead against Gary's, his eyes widen and his lips become parted, the expression on his face looks almost as if it's the first time he's ever experienced an orgasm. "G...Oh...Gary!" Puffing out his cheeks, he mutes his moans by cupping Gary's face and firmly presses their lips together. 

It only takes a further five minutes until Gary copies Mark's actions. The moans vibrate against Mark's face and the sharp feel of nails digging into his backside only causes him to moan out in pleasure. Gary releases into the condom inside of Mark before dropping his head back into the pillows behind, panting and whispering Mark's name over and over. Their bodies almost stick together like glue from the combination of sweat and semen, but they choose to remain in the same position. Still resting deeply inside of Mark, suddenly the moment is interrupted, before he's even able to comment. Nuzzling against the side of Gary's neck, a strange noise catches his full attention. Lifting his head almost immediately by the sound, a puzzled look fills his face. "...G...Gaz...?" Staring down at his friend, he notices the tears dripping down his cheeks and his happiness is soon replaced by nothing but guilt.


	6. Chapter 6

"Gary? Oh, Gary..." Swiftly his rolls off Gary's body and the softening cock slides out of him. "...I...I...I'm so...oh, what have I done?!" Bowing his head sadly, it feels like his heart has been ripped out his chest. _"How could you I do this to Gary?"_ He continues to silently punish himself, whilst Gary softly cries to himself without moving an inch. Panic rushes through his body, completely taking over his exhaustion. Climbing off the bed his eyes scan around the almost pitch black room. "...I...I'm going...I'm going to go...pretend...pretend this never happened, ok?" Without even looking at Gary, he continues to build himself up into a state over the situation.

"M...M...Mark..." Heavily he breathes through his sobs. "...Mark, stop."

"I've...I've upset you...I didn't...I mean, I shouldn't of..I don't know anymore, I've got to get out of here." Jumping to his feet whilst still completely naked, unexpectedly a hand firmly grips around Mark's wrist and with a weak tug, he ends up falling along side Gary on the mattress.

"Calm down, lad..." Still the tears run down Gary's cheeks, whilst he towers above Mark's aching body. Feeling the coldness from the tears drip onto the centre of his chest, Mark shudders and feels that he's going to break down in any second. "...You're not...you're not going...anywhere..." Lowering his voice until it almost becomes a whisper, his body still continues to tremble slightly.

"But...but you're...you're crying and it's all my...my-" Mark's sentence comes to an abrupt halt by Gary's lips muting his words. Draining the air out of his lungs by one simple kiss which lasts less than two seconds, Mark's pupils dilate and his eyes widen once the contact is broken.

"You...You didn't upset me..." Shaking his head, the blonde dries his eyes by using the hem of his t shirt. "...I...I guess...I just got overwhelmed...I never thought I'd see you again let alone make love to you...oh god...I'm still shaking. _Look_." Holding his hand in front of Mark's view, he shows that his fingers are still shaking.

"S...so...you don't regret it...?"

"I...I ...I regret what I did to _you_ , I regret hurting you over the past years, but I don't regret this. It's _so_ wrong but..." He continues to try and push the image of Dawn out of his head, gently he runs his fingers through Mark's messy hair. "...It's not just about the sex...it's about everything. I've fuckin' missed it and it has finally hit me...what I've lost...I've fucked up big time..."

"No...no Gaz, you haven't lost me..." Resting both of his palms flat against Gary's face, their noses press together. "You'll never lose me...I love you _too_ much to let go." Tiredly the brunette smiles. Still in complete shock and awe, warmly Gary smiles in responce before pecking Mark's lips. Removing himself from the smaller man's body, he lays along side him and drapes the duvet over their bodies.

"...Look at us." Softly Gary whispers with a smirk playing on his lips. "...In bed before eight..."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." Honestly Mark replies whilst snuggling up towards his friend. Happily Gary sighs whilst pulling the smaller frame as close to him as possible, before placing a tendar kiss against his temple. Within a matter of seconds, Mark ends up falling asleep in Gary's arms, something he's been craving since the last time he laid eyes on him.

\-------------------

It's ten past seven in the morning and strangely Gary is the first to be awake. Lazily he runs his fingers through the figure's hair who remains in his arms, whilst being spooned. After serveral minutes, a very faint smile appears on his face, which only causes Gary to breathe out a laugh. "I know you're awake." He speaks in a raspy voice whilst bucking his hips against Mark's naked backside.

"Hm..." Tiredly the smaller male moans and pushes his knees up towards his chest.

"Oi." Jabbing a finger against his ribs, Gary smiles against Mark's neck. "Not like you to be lazy."

Clutching tighter to the duvet as he brings it further up his face, he mumbles against the thick fabric. "...What time is it...?"

"About quarter past seven."

"Uh..." Weakly he groans and firmly presses his eyes closed. "...Five more minutes..."

Softly Gary laughs and pecks the top of Mark's head. "Well, alright then. I'm going to hop in the shower. Won't be long."

Not listening to a single word Gary has just said, as soon as the mattress shifts by Gary's movements, he drifts back into a deep sleep.

\-----------------------

It's not until he hears the sound of a glass being smashed in the kitchen which is soon followed by the strong smell of bacon, until he finally decides to open his eyes. "Mhmm..." The brunette groans when stretching out each and every limb. The ache in the bottom of his back remains and he hisses through his teeth when the muscles are stretched.

A paracetamol or two is needed.

Crawling out of the duvet, still completely naked, he strides over towards the closed bedroom door for the large dressing grown hanging from a hook on the oak door. Tying it tightly around his small waist, he presses the fluffy fabric against his nose and inhales. "...Gary..." Happily he mumbles, before deciding to venture down the stairs in search of his friend. As soon as he reaches the doorway of the half open door, he notices a figure who is on their hands and knees with a dustpan in one hand and a brush in the other. "...Had an accident?" The blonde flinches by the unexpected sound of a voice and peers over his shoulder to inspect the intruder.

"...Oh, awake at last are we?!" Widely he grins and swiftly sweeps up the last pieces of glass from the stone tiles. "...Careful being barefoot, I was throwin' me weight around."

"Since when did you cook breakfast?" Cheekily Mark teases whilst tip toeing across the cold tiles.

Placing a hand onto his hip, he raises his eyebrows at the man opposite. "...Since you _never_ eat." Shaking his head, lightly he smiles. Flipping the four fried eggs in the large frying pan, he's wearing a pair of denim jeans (which Mark secretly turns his nose up at, fashion snob, of course) and a plain black t shirt which is at least a size too big for him. "...I was wondering, seeing as we've only got two days left together, maybe it's ideal we spend a few hours in the studio? Just to correct those lyrics." Mark's stomach instantly churns by the words ' _two days left together_ '. This week has certainly flown by, especially the last twenty four hours. Sadly Mark bows his head whilst taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"Yeah...sounds...sounds good." Speaking with a dry throat, awkwardly he coughs and rubs his lower back.

Glancing over his shoulder, Gary frowns. "What's wrong?"

"Back ache." Mark shrugs. "It'll pass."

"Oh...because we-? How could I forget." Swiftly Gary places the spactula back into the frying pan and reduces the heat. Searching through a cupboard over head, he pulls out a small blue box. "...Sorry...it's been...a while..." Filling a glass with water, sadly he smiles when he walks over towards the table, offering the glass of water. "Take two of these." Opening his fist, Mark takes both of the tablets and puts them into his mouth, before swilling them down his throat with a gulp of water.

"Tell me about it." Silently he mumbles. Watching Gary serve up the bacon and eggs onto the two plates, followed by a spoon of beans and two pieces of toast are added.

"Could feed the five thousand with this." Gary jokes before placing a plate in front of Mark.

"Oh...you've done me bacon? I can't e-"

"I know...it's veggie bacon." Warmly he smiles whilst taking the seat opposite Mark at the table.

Mark frowns his eyebrows and looks down at his plate. "You went to the shops just to get me some vegeterian bacon?" The blonde shrugs his shoulders whilst shovelling the beans into his mouth. "But...I thought you haven't left your house in...months?"

"I haven't." He speaks with his mouth full (but Mark doesn't even bat an eyelid like he usually does over Gary's table manners). "Today was my first time outside the house in about two...three months...of course I went out in disguise though."

"You should of woke me..." Tearing off a piece of toast, he pops it into his mouth, feeling incredibly guilty. "You shouldn't have to hide who you are...you're a beautiful and an extremely talented man, Gaz."

Sighing softly, he reaches for his glass of water and almost drains it completely. Wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, his eyes avert away from Mark's and focus back onto his half empty plate. "I...I just want the world to forget me, Marko. Forget the name Gary Barlow...I'm not Gary Barlow anymore, he's dead."

"Gary!" Dropping his fork against the side of his plate in shock, loudly Mark squeaks. "Don't _dare_ say that! Don't you _ever_ say that again!"

"I'm...I'm sorry..."

"It's going to fuckin' kill me the day I leave this place, because I'm so scared about losing you and never seeing you again and you talk about bullshit like that?!" Bashing the side of his fist against the table, Gary flinches by his friend's actions and his eyes fill with fear.

"Jesus Christ..."

Bowing his head, sharply Mark inhales. "It's not even two days we have left together...I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon...and today will be over before we know it...then it's back to square one..."

Noticing his friend's sadness, sadly Gary smiles and crouches beside him at the table. "Hey..." Placing a hand onto Mark's knee, gently he strokes the dressing gown which covers it. "...We will still be in contact...I'm even goin' to stay up at yours one weekend, remember? You won't get rid of me that easily, Owen."

Lightly he nods his head and deeply sighs. "...I'm...I'm sorry...I'm still overwhelmed and emotional, I guess. I'm just being daft and overreacting."

"...That doesn't make me love you any less, dafty." Brushing Mark's fringe out from his eyes, a lopsided grin fills the blonde's face whilst he remains on the floor.

\----------------------------

_**1 hour later in Gary's recording studio** _

"Fuckin' hell!" Loudly Gary groans against the back of Mark's neck. Placing a hand onto his hip to secure their bodies.

"Don't...don't stop... _please_...harder...pl...please..." Pushing back his sweaty fringe away from his view, he bucks his hips backwards allowing Gary's cock to sink deeper inside.

_Needing and wanting more._

A smirk graces Gary's lips, whilst his free hand slides into Mark's hair to jerk his head backwards with one simple tug. "...So fuckin' good, lad."

Biting the leather of the swivel chair which his elbows and face is currently resting on, his nails scratch down the arms. Feeling Gary slam harder and deeper inside of him, his eyes roll to the back of his head, realising how much he's missed having rough sex instead of working. "...F...fuck...I...I'm...so..." Unable to finish off his sentence, immediately his hand sinks between his naked body and the swivel chair, forming a fist around his hard cock, he begins to rapidly pump his fist against it.

Planting kisses down the back of Mark's neck, he begins to trace the visable vein with his tongue, before increasing the speed of his hips. Mark's backside slaps against Gary's covered stomach, causing the pair to moan and whimper in sync. "...Oh...christ..." Panting faster, Gary's cock twitches inside as he gets closer to his limit. After a couple more thrusts and Gary is the first one to release. "Ah, fuck! Mark...oh shit!" Dropping his face against the crook of his friend's neck, his hips continue to thrust whilst slowing down the movements. Each and every last drop fills the latex.

Minutes later Mark finally reaches his climax. Feeling his orgasm crash over him several times whilst Gary remains inside of him, his face presses into the leather seat of the chair and his load releases against his own naked torso and onto the chair in great spurts. "Oh...oh...G...Gary..." Softly he whimpers whilst his body begins to tremble. Gary is only the person he's ever had sex with in a studio...and this was certainly worth the wait.

\-----------------

"Stop it." Mark mumbles against the pen lid which rests against the corner of his mouth, whilst dodging the fourth paper ball which has been aimed at him.

"You're workin' too hard, lad." Crossing his leg, Gary scratches his eyebrow whilst frowning slightly (Gary seems to get bored easily nowadays, he now understands how Robbie felt most of the time in the band). "You've been working on those lyrics for a solid hour now."

"They have to be right."

Pressing his barefeet flat against the carpet, he pushes his chair behind Mark's. "You're over thinkin', you can't make 'em any better than what they already are. I'm telling you, the whole album is going to be a hit." Placing his palms on the top of Mark's bare shoulders, he sinks back into his chair by the contact.

"Sorry..." Rubbing his cheek against Gary's hand, silently he sighs. "Me head's all over the place."

"Sex in the studio not givin' you much inspiration then?" Mischievously the blonde smirks.

"Ay, where do you think I got the opening line from?!"

Sucking onto his bottom lip, Gary holds back a laugh whilst muttering out the opening line of the new song. " _Shake my bones and curl my toes, nobody does it better..._ "

"I guess it's going to be one of those songs I'm going to have to keep on the album instead of performing it live."

"Oh? Why's that then?" Trailing his fingers down Mark's naked chest, his lips peck against his collar bone.

"How can I perform a song with the image of you fucking me against a chair in the studio in me head? I'll be all over the news of the world with a soddin' stiffy." The pair of them erupt into laughter.

"...I'm sure the world would rather see your hard on instead of the constant wars happening in the world." Patting his friend's shoulder, he stands to his feet and stretches out his muscles.

"Whatever." A lop sided grin forms on his face whilst turning around (still he's only wearing a pair of tightly fitted briefs, unlike Gary who got fully dressed after their sex which was well over an hour ago). "...What you up to?"

"I was going to start on dinner."

"Dinner?" Mark raises his left eyebrow. "...Are you going to order out again?"

Gary shakes his head and runs a hand through his own messy hair. "No, I was going to cook us somethin'. I went out earlier when I got your breakfast, so I decided to make us something nice seeing as it's your las...erm..." Dryly Gary swallows and changes his words. "...Seeing as you've been working hard in here the past few days...I'm not Gordon Ramsay or anything like that...well apart from the language when things don't go my way in the kitchen." He laughs at his own joke and even Mark chuckles. "...I'm going to put me best clothes on...it's _our_ night, tonight..."

Happily Mark sighs and takes a minute to absorb this moment. He's been dreaming about spending time with Gary again for years, he never expected all of this to happen within a week, every time he looks at Gary he just wants to pinch himself, but even when he does, he never seems to wake up. "...I love you, Mr Barlow..."

\----------------------

Sadly Mark never thought about packing his suit and tie the morning he was travelling to Gary's house, so a blue and white floral shirt and black skinny jeans will have to do. Combing his fringe backwards into a quiff, (like always) he goes over the top with the hair spray (he almost goes through a can a day, sometimes). Spraying on a generous amount of his favourite after shave around his neck, finally he feels ready. It's not like they're going out to a posh restaurant somewhere out down the town (sadly that can't happen, possibly it never can in this country), but nothing can beat staying in doors with Gary whilst shutting the world off around them. In Mark's world, it's just the two of them and that's how he wants it to stay. Once satisfied enough with his appearance, he skips down the stairs, immediately his nose is greeted by the smell of cooking. "Knock knock, Jamie Oliver." Mark jokes. Opening the door, his eyes focus on the back of the figure who has a tea towel over his shoulder and a luminous pink apron.

"Pssh, I don't think so. It's all about chips, not bloody carrot sticks!"

Laughing in reply, Mark strides over to where Gary stands at the sink and wraps his arms around him from behind. "...I'd rather have your cookin' over a five star chef anyday."

"You won't be saying that when you've tried it!"

"If your breakfast is anything to go by, I guess you better make enough for seconds...or eighths." Gently he rubs his nose against the back of Gary's plain white shirt.

"And end up bein' a fatty like me?" Placing the freshly washed peppers onto the chopping board, he brings his arms around Mark's slim frame. "...Bloody 'ell..." His eyes bulge at the sight of the man opposite him. "...Fuckin' stunning..." Biting his own lip, a low growl escapes his mouth.

"Language Mr Barlow...but, likewise. I love what you've done to your hair." Skimming his fingertips lightly across the blonde strands of hair which have been gelled up at the front. "...And your beard is growing...I like that... _a lot_." Stroking the side of Gary's mouth, violently his heart beats in his chest.

"I decided to grow the so called _goatee_ out...I know how much you wanted me to grow a beard..." Before Mark's able to reply, very softly their lips connect and Gary's arms press their bodies together. The kiss is slow, but passionate. He'll never get tired of kissing Mark's lips, still he wonders how he's going to survive tomorrow afternoon once Mark's left, but at least he'll have the kids to keep his mind occupied and of course...Dawn, _his wife_. "...What do you think of the table?" Still Mark remains in Gary's arms whilst turning his head over his shoulder to glance at the candle lit table behind.

"Oh..." Sliding his arms away from Gary's frame, he spins around on the spot to take a better look. "You...you did all _this_...?" Noticing the red rose petals scattered across the table, along with candles, tears build up in his eyes. Never before has anyone done anything so romantic for him, no matter how small it is, it means the world to him knowing that it's all for him and _only_ for him.

"Looks better with the lights off...watch." Walking over towards the light switch, he flicks it off and the candles bring light into the darkness of the kitchen.

"Gary, this...this is so beautiful...and you did it all for me?"

"Of course, you're a very special man, Mr Owen. It's nothing, really, but you deserve to be showed that you're loved."

Taking a few steps into Gary's direction, his face buries against the material apron. "...Thank...thank you... _so_ much..."


	7. Chapter 7

The sink is piled with dirty plates, pans and cutlery (Gary _always_ had the habit of using more than he should, typical man) and the second bottle of wine has been opened. Tucking into his cheesecake, his hand rests over the top of Mark's. "Did you enjoy your dinner? I didn't under cook it again, did I?"

"No, no, I loved it. I always use to enjoy your cooking in the band, shame you hardly did it." Mark smirks. It was only a simple dish, tomato and basil soup for the starter and vegetable Sheppard pie as the main (It's the first time Gary's eaten a three course meal without having any meat involved).

"Whenever I did cook, you lot would end up eating it out of the pan before I even bloody served it up!"

"You mean Rob...and _yourself_."

"Rob would scoff anythin' in sight, whereas you would only have to breathe and you'd be full." Tapping Mark's hand, he pushes away his empty plate.

Lightly the brunette smiles and sighs. "I remember once I went round to your house and you wouldn't let me leave the table until I ate me dinner and had seconds...along with dessert which would usually be cheesecake." He eyes up the left over slice on his plate, which of course he's too full to eat.

Entwining their fingers together, delicately he runs his thumb across each knuckle. "Do...do you miss those times? The band?"

For a few seconds Mark thinks the question over, but the answer is _obvious_. "Of course. I miss the five of us being together...we were basically tied at the hip since day one. I don't miss Nigel and I don't miss the none stop rehearsals at stupid o'clock."

Averting his eyes away from the smaller man who sits opposite him at the table, Gary inhales a shaky breath. "...But, are you happy? Are you happy with your life... _now?_ "

"Well...I have everythin' I need, really. A house, food on the table, health...friends...family...can't really complain, can I?" Sliding his hand away from Gary's, painfully he sighs. "...But there will always be somethin' missing." Noticing Gary bow his head, a sadness fills his heart. "...It could just be the two of us, you know? Could be like this... _always._ "

"Mark..."

"...You're the missing part in my life, Gaz."

"You will find someone else, Mark. I know you will-"

Mark's mouth drops slightly and swiftly he shakes his head. "No. I don't want anybody else. I've had past girlfriends, who I have loved, but I've never been _in love_ with them. Nobody makes me feel the way that I do when I'm with you, as cliché as that sounds. No one can take your place, Gary..."

"Things have changed now, Mark..." Rubbing his temple with his fingers, his hand rests against his chin. "It...It's not fair on you or Dawn...that you'll have to share me...it would break her if she knew what we have been doing the past couple of days...I can't lose her or my children, but that doesn't mean I don't love you."

"What if she already knows what we've done?"

Gary's eyes widen as the fear washes over him. "...W...Wha...what do you...mean?" Instantly he feels sick and immediately thinks that Mark is to blame. "Has he told Dawn behind my back?!" He questions himself.

"...Think about it. She knows about our history...she knows that you're still in love with me, because _you_ told her that. And as soon as I arrived here she couldn't of left quick enough."

Chewing his bottom lip, he tastes the wine on his skin. It makes sense. Dawn wasn't acting her usual self when she left, it was a sort of forced happiness, which Gary fully understands (seeing as he does it daily). Also, whenever Gary's called her since she left the house, she would simply reply with: _"Gaz, you don't have to keep calling me. Enjoy your time with Mark...be happy._ " Furrowing his eyebrows, the blonde reaches for the wine glass and drains it in seconds. Mark has a point, but still, it isn't right. Why would Dawn be ok with her husband cheating on her?

"...Let's change conversation." Gary mumbles whilst wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and refills both of the empty glasses. "Tell me about your place, tell me about the lake."

Leaving the words in his mouth, forcefully Mark smiles. "...If I had photos on me phone, I'd show you them...-"

"Describe it...and I'll try to picture it in my head."

Breathing out a laugh, Mark eyes up the male sitting opposite him. His eyes have become half lidded and slightly red as he continues to down the wine as if it's water. "...Think the wine is getting to your head Mr B." He sniggers. "There isn't much to say really, the place is like a painting. Absolutely beautiful, you'd probably be bored of the scenery after a while, but I've got quite a lot of antiques in my house. I know how mad you use to go on them when we started to get popular."

"Ah, me obsession was out of control, lad. I'd literally buy anythin', just to copy off Elton. Half the time when I got back home I'd see the crates in the hallway and I couldn't even remember purchasing 'em!" Gary rolls his eyes in a drunken kind of way.

"Surprised you didn't go bankrupt! I can't have too much though, I have a piano, a few valuable antiques and of course my Sammy."

Pausing his movements, Gary narrows a brow over the rim of his wine glass. "...Sammy?"

"I can't start the day without our Sam. Quick cuddle in bed, then a morning jog through the woods. I love it."

"Oh..." Placing the empty glass back onto the table, his fingers swirl around the base. "But...you said during your interview...that you were takin' a break from relationships? Said somethin' about taking time off to get to know yourself?"

Mark's face fills with confusion. "...Interview? What...interview?"

"The one online...I googl...erm..." Instantly Gary's face turns bright red, realising how much of a stalker he now sounds like.

"Go on...tell me..." Playfully the brunette teases.

_He's loving it_

Clearing his throat, deeply Gary sighs, itching for another glass of wine. "...When you were in bed the other night...I...I...I well, I kind of...googled you..."

 _"Kind of?"_ Giggling now, Mark removes his friend's hand from the glass and takes a firm grip to it. "...So...my interview about my previous relationship...which you read...has to do with my dog because...?"

"Y...your...your...dog?" Loudly he chokes out, feeling his head spin, (mainly from the alcohol) Gary becomes lost for words.

"Yes? Sammy...he's my dog. A golden cocker spaniel."

Dryly Gary swallows and moves his mouth trying to speak, but fails. _"Oh."_ Silently he mutters, only causing Mark to beam even more.

"Did you think? Oh, Gary Barlow, you _never_ change." Standing to his feet, he strides over towards where Gary is sitting. Moving the table slightly with his hip, he perches on the edge of Gary's knees, before placing a tender kiss onto his wine soaked lips. "...I bloody love it when you're jealous..." He whispers whilst biting down onto the blonde's bottom lip.

\--------------------------

Loudly the birds chirp, disturbing the man's light sleep. Even though Mark's been awake for a good hour, he still refuses to open his eyes (and it's nothing to do with the alcohol from last night, he didn't even drink half as much as Gary did). Last night was simply perfect, it was everything they needed to finish off their final night together (minus the emotional chat during the meal). They ended up making love, not once, but twice. If Gary didn't drink as much as he did, they could of gone on for longer, Mark still feels slightly disappointed that they didn't, but Gary has promised there will be other times and he's being held to it. Hearing the faint groans beside him, he finally gives in and glances weakly over his shoulder. Gary places two tablets onto the tip of his tongue and swallows down the coffee in his mug. Shaking his head, he screws up his face by the taste. "...Hi..." Sadly Mark speaks.

Instantly Gary's eyes snap open and the emotion on his face reflects Mark's. "...Mornin'. How's your head?"

"Fine." Cuddling the duvet closer towards his naked body, he turns his back to him whilst inhaling the scent on the material. A mixture of lemon and Gary's aftershave. "...Yours?"

"Yeah...been better..." Sinking down the headboard, he turns onto his side and rests his chin against Mark's shoulder. "We better start makin' a move." Tenderly his lips peck against Mark's bare skin.

"Yeah..." Is all Mark's able to mutter as the tears fill his eyes. He _hates_ goodbyes. It feels like he's losing Gary all over again, but this time, he actually gets to say the words.

"I'm going to take a shower...I won't be too long..."

Lightly he nods without even bothering to look Gary in the eyes. Deeply he sighs whilst climbing out of bed, still completely naked apart from his t- shirt, of course. Mark's eyes are immediately drawn to Gary's naked ass as he walks out of the door, he'd sell all of his limbs just so that he could wake up to that view every morning. A pain rushes towards his heart and the tears are unable to be held back for much longer. As soon as the sound of running water is heard, he finally lets go. Silently he sobs against the duvet, feeling like his heart has been ripped out of his chest.

\-----------------

Humming softly as the warm water cleanses his skin, he tilts his head backwards under the spray and allows it to pound against his face. He feels dirty, _so dirty_ , but he doesn't regret anything about this week. Reaching for the shower gel, a dark shadow catches his attention. "AH!" Screaming high pitch like a girl, the shower gel drops to the floor and he grabs hold of the plastic shower curtain. Gary's heart violently pounds against his chest, any second now it's about to burst from the amount of fear. Blinking his eyes through the heated mist, he notices a face and instantly he breathes out a sigh of relief. "...Mark?! Oh, fuckin' hell, lad." Speaking slightly annoyed, he shakes his head, but suddenly feels incredibly self concious about his naked body. Sure, Mark's seen him naked in the past and he's seen him naked this week, but not _without_ his shirt on this time around. He feels disgusting. "...I...I...do you want...to use the...shower? I...I'll...leave...can you pass me a towel...?"

Not speaking a word, Gary's not even sure whether he even blinks. Edging closer towards the shower, Mark rips back the curtain and climbs inside. Still without uttering a single word, he press his palm against Gary's wet chest, forcing his back to make contact with the tiled wall behind. Hissing at the sudden coldness against his skin, he watches as the small male drops to his knees and disappears through the steam. Already he knows where this is going and decides to keep his mouth shut, for once. Mark's hand carefully wraps around Gary's semi hard cock (even before Mark decided to join him in the shower, he was already thinking about last night and was about to pleasure himself until he got interrupted, not as if he cares). Stroking slowly at first, his lips trail up Gary's thighs and brush against the light hairs scattered above his cock. "Hmm..."

"Oh...god..." Instantly Gary's hands slide into Mark's wet hair and his eyelids slam shut. It's been so long since he's been given a blowjob (Dawn isn't into stuff like that, so the last time he was actually given oral was from Mark).

Already he takes Gary to the back of his throat, allowing the vibrations to hit against the sensitive skin, making the older man whimper. Popping his lips off from the hardening cock, smugly Mark smiles underneath the pouring water. "...Gotta give you a goodbye to remember, right?"

"It's only going to be a couple of weeks, a month top." Gary thinks to himself, but his thoughts are soon cut off by the feel of warm lips covering his tip, causing his knees to tremble. He wishes he could return the favour, but when he gave his first ever blowjob (which was to Mark), he almost became addicted. That can't happen now he's married...to a woman. "Mhmm...so good, babe."

Thrusting his mouth faster, one of his hands cup his balls and tugs ever so gently. Hearing Gary moan and plead for more above his head, only gives him an ego boost. There's nothing more that he loves than watching his lover turn into putty in his hand, all because of his skills. Tasting the pre-come dance along his taste buds, softly Mark hums and rubs his cheek against the hard dick in his fist. "...Need to taste you... _more_..." Trying to look up through the steam and running water, he shoots his friend a toothy grin.

Gary's hands rest against the man's head and begs for more, needing and wanting more, to be taken over the edge. Obeying the silent demand, Mark moves his mouth faster and allows the cock to sink deeper into his mouth, not once does he gag like he use to (...something Gary use to love, but he understands Mark doesn't have the time to turn into a moaning porn star, especially not when _his wife_ is due home soon). It doesn't take long until the stars begin to dance in front of Gary's eyes. Digging his teeth into his bottom lip, he's pretty sure he's fetched blood, but he doesn't care. "O...Oh...fuckin'...hell..." Dropping his head backwards, his eyes roll to the back of his head. "...Christ...M...Marky...!" His legs turn to jelly and his hips continue to buck against Mark's cheeks whilst filling his mouth with his load.

After a few seconds, Mark pulls off and some of Gary's come dribbles down his chin, which soon gets washed away. "...I've missed that taste..." Sucking on his own tongue, a lopsided grin shows on his face. "Are you...OK?" Heavily he pants. Standing to his feet slowly and carefully, he eyes up the heated and extremely wet mess in front of him.

"...Ah, hmm?" Panting for his breath back, he feels like he's on a whole new planet. "...S...so good..." Forgetting about his previous concern over his body (which of course Mark never questioned or cared about), he remains naked against the wall.

\-----------------------

Staring out of the recording room's small window, Mark's zoned out for a minute or two whilst focussing on a robin sitting in the back garden's tree. Suddenly his daze is interrupted by a pair of arms sliding around his waist. "...Boo." Softly a voice whispers against his neck, the tiny hairs against his sensitive skin causes goosebumps to form.

"Boo..."

Happily Gary sighs and rubs his nose against Mark's t-shirt, inhaling the scent for a couple of seconds. "Everythin' packed?"

"...Think so..." Noticing the bird fly away, deeply he breathes through his nose. "...Apart from... _you_."

Lightly Gary laughs. "Don't think me little toe would even fit in your suitcase with the amount you've packed, never mind me whole body!"

"Worth a shot."

Continuing to hug Mark from behind, the pair just stand alone in the studio, listening to the silence. "...We better say our goodbyes now before Da-"

"Shhh..." Placing a finger onto the blonde's parted lips, Mark wiggles in his arms and turns around on the spot, so now he stands opposite him. "...We don't need to speak those words..."

Nodding his head, Gary fully understands and is relieved, how could he possibly say goodbye to the love of his life when his wife is due home any second now? Placing both of his palms against Gary's face, for a moment he admires every feature. The messy damp hair with the strands sticking out in all kinds of directions (seeing Gary with bed hair always made him weak...and still does). The stubble growing on his cheeks and the hairs around his mouth, bring flutters to the pit of his stomach. He's still incredibly happy about Gary growing a beard after all of these years, and it's all just for him. Noticing the lines on his forehead, faintly he smiles. Even though they've aged since the last time they were together, they'll always be teenagers who fell in love, by heart. Their lips press together as they passionately begin to kiss, but sadly it doesn't last. The front door loudly slams shut, causing the pair to part instantly. "Shit." Gary grumbles and wipes his lips with the back of his hand.

_Mark's heart drops_

\-----------------------

"I really don't like this, Gaz." Dawn frowns whilst stroking her husband's face.

"Eh? Why not?"

Awkwardly Mark watches the two from the doorway with his suitcase in hand. He wishes he could butt in, but...

"I _hate_ beards." She grimaces. "And a beard really doesn't suit _you_."

"Oh, cheers love." Playfully Gary laughs, almost sounding _too_ sarcastic.

"Hmm...anyway...we don't want to make you late, Mark."

Shaking his head by the sound of his name being spoken, he paints on a smile. "...Y...Yeah...better catch me train before the rush." A lump in his throat forms as soon as he notices the sadness in Gary's eyes.

"Did you have a good week? Gaz didn't make you watch too many boring TV shows, did he?" Poking fun at her husband, she takes hold of his hand as the three of them make their way into the hall.

"Hey...they're not...that bad." Gary's voice cracks and so does Mark's heart.

"No...not at all. It was...like a holiday for me...at least we got to be miserable sods together and I suppose we had a bit of _fun_..." Slyly he winks at Gary over the word _fun_.

"You'll have to send me those songs...once you've finished 'em..."

"Y...Yeah." Clearing his throat with a cough, he forces out a large smile. "I'll email you as soon as...but that doesn't mean you're getting the album for free!"

"I'll be the first one to buy it. I'll even camp out at HMV." Jokingly Gary adds.

"Ah...I'm going to miss you and your crap jokes." Without even thinking about it, he wraps his arms around Gary's waist and pecks his cheek. "... _Promise_ me you'll visit me?"

"I'll make sure he does, Mark." The female speaks which brings him back down to reality, causing Mark to let go of Gary in an instant.

Leaving Gary flustered, delicately he wraps an arm around Dawn and pecks her cheek. "Look after him..." He whispers. She nods faintly in reply.

"Safe ride home..." Dawn reaches for Gary's hand again and rests her head against his shoulder.

"Y...yeah...text...text me...as soon as..." Shakily Gary adds. He really needs to pull himself together, his wife is standing right next to him, for Christ's sake!

"I will do...send my love to the kids. See...see you..." Smiling at Dawn, his eyes then cast over to Gary's, noticing them become slightly watery, quickly he turns away and heads down the path.

"Bye, Mark!" Dawn calls after him.

"B...bye, mate." Gary watches as Mark staggers down towards the large iron gates. He knows he's crying, that's why he's refusing to say goodbye and that's why he won't even look the two of them in the eyes again.

As soon as Mark's out of sight, Dawn closes the door.

"I better get some dinner on, the kids will be home soon. What do you fancy?" Walking down the hallway towards the kitchen, nothing can be heard but silence. Glancing over her shoulder, she notices that Gary is still standing in front of the door, just staring at it. "...Gaz? Gary? Are you OK, babe?"

Squeezing his eyelids shut for a brief moment, he shakes his head and pulls himself together the best that he can. "...Sorry...sorry, love...what did you say?"

As soon as Gary turns around to face her, she notices that his face as turned slightly pale and his eyes have reddened. "...Gary, are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost?" She questions, with the look of concern all over her face.

"I...I...I erm...better...check the studio...incase Mark's...left anythin'." Before he gives his wife chance to reply, swiftly he runs upstairs into the studio and slams the door behind him. Finally he lets himself break down now that he's alone. Never before has he felt such pain when saying goodbye to somebody...but then again, Mark isn't just a _somebody_.

Striding over towards the recording desk, his fingers trail against the varnished oak as the tears fall from his eyes. There's a huge ache in his heart, something which has hasn't felt before and something he can't explain. Even when he left Mark after the band split, he never felt something like this. Maybe that's why he's hurting so much now? The guilt and heart break has finally caught up with him. This is probably how Mark felt when he saw that Gary had just up and left him without a say so, then four years later he was all over the papers with his new wife, the pain would of been ten times worse for him. Sitting down on the swivel chair, something catches his eye. A piece of paper. With the tears still streaming down his face, he reaches for it.

Before he even gets chance to scan it fully, already he knows that it's Mark's writing. In the centre of the paper reads what it looks like to be a quote:

_**Love yourself, if you want** _   
_**cry a bit,** _   
_**laugh a lot.** _

_**Whatever you do, be happy, G.** _

_**\- :) M.O x** _

Is this a quote? Gary knows Mark's into those type of things, but it's one he's never heard him use before. Or maybe it's lyrics from one of his new songs? The again, he's heard the new ones he's already written for the album and the three they've written this week haven't got those lyrics in them. Maybe it's for a future album.

Whatever the words are from, Gary feels his heart burst with happiness. He hasn't felt so happy before in his life (well obviously apart from meeting Mark, marrying Dawn and his children being born), it's the happiest he's been in months. Clutching the piece of paper against his covered chest, more and more tears escape his eyes. He's going to treasure it for the rest of his life.

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

_**[13 years later]** _

 

So much has happened so far in Mark and Gary's lives. Ever since Mark left the Barlow's after working on his solo album ( which sadly only made number 59 in the UK charts), Gary didn't keep his promise about visiting Mark, infact, they didn't even meet up again until two years after (although they did keep in contact via text and webcam almost every single day). When they finally did meet up again, they weren't alone. Howard Donald was invited along and after a few drinks too many, Mark blurted out about being approached by his agent about the band getting back together to release a greatest hits album, also about staring in a one-off documentary so that each member could tell their side of the story when being part of the band (Robbie was also included). However they didn't just stop there. Once the greatest hits promotion and documentary ended, a talk amongst the four of them was taken place at the hotel they were staying in (minus Robbie).

After weeks of thinking and over thinking, a decision was made and so was a new line up. Gary, Mark, Howard and Jason, ended up starting the new chapter of Take That. Instead of just releasing the greatest hits album and documentary, they decided to get back on the road as a band, which led to a huge success and a worldwide break down for the loyal fans.

The following years continued to be a success, hit after hit was being released and the tours never failed with the audiences. Take That were back and bigger than ever. Mark and Gary continued with their relationship in the band, even though Gary was still married to Dawn and Mark started dating a woman named Emma, they kept their relationship between themselves and their fellow band mates. Another change was made by Gary. Thanks to the supportive people in his life who have stuck by him through thick and thin and using Mark's note to keep him motivated, Gary set the goal of losing weight and to become a better person. It was a long, tiring process, but he never gave up and ended up shredding off four stone.

In 2010, it was possibly the biggest year in the land of Pop. A year previous and after a long talk one day in LA, Gary and Robbie finally put their differences aside. Robbie Williams rejoined the band for a brand new album and tour, which became the biggest selling album of the century and the tour was the most sold out tour in history.

  
Sadly, in the early months of 2010, Mark admitted his battle with alcohol and just four months after their wedding, he confessed about being unfaithful to his wife, Emma. He spoke up about having affairs with countless women during tours and a long-term affair, which started in the early days of their relationship (but Gary always thought he used that as an _excuse_ to cover up _their_ relationship, he still doubts it whenever he reads about Mark cheating on Emma with ten random women who never spoke up, apart from _one_ ). After spending a month in rehab to deal with his drink problem, Mark was finally allowed home.

Although during his time in rehab, Emma refused to visit him, it was obvious that she was still hurting from her husband cheating on her and of course she had to be there for their two young children during that time. Not only did Mark cheat on his wife, but also in a way he cheated on Gary, which ended up putting a strain on their relationship. Mark had to beg Gary to visit him and after a week, he gave in. Seeing Mark so lost and broken hurt Gary ten times more than knowing the real reason why he was there in the first place. As time went on and the days flew by, Gary eventually forgave him and so did Emma (still there relationship remained a secret).

2012 started fantastic. Emma had given birth to their third child, named Fox India Owen. Their relationship was better than ever and so was his relationship with Gary. The year also started well for Gary too. With another successful year on the X Factor, he also ended up organising the entire concert for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, where he was able to perform his new single, _Sing_ , which took months of travelling and hard work to record. Later on his efforts earned him an OBE.

Sadly in August, Dawn and Gary lost their fourth child due to still birth. Her name was Poppy Barlow. Words cannot describe either of the parents feelings over such a heart breaking and life changing situation. Toning down his relationship with Mark, Gary was by his wife's side almost twenty four seven and Mark stood back fully respecting and understanding the difficult time for the couple.

In 2014, it ended up being a challenging year for Take That. From Mark, Gary and Howard re-hitting the headlines with tax evasion from two years ago, they also ended up losing another member from the band. Jason decided that his heart was no longer in the music and called it a day. Robbie continued his career as a solo artist, so after a long debate, the three of them continued the band as a trio, which was possibly the best decision they had made. Releasing a brand new studio album in December, it immediately went to number one and in 2015 they put on one of their biggest tours to date, earning them the title:  _best tour of the year_.

  
\-----------

Today is the middle of the year in 2016 and nothing has changed. Sitting in the top room of his new house, sits Gary Barlow at his piano. It's a late afternoon in July and the sun beams through the partly open blinds. His youngest daughter, Daisy, rests on his knee whilst he softly sings. _"For once in my life I couldn't deny, I thought that I’d found my everything. A lover a friend, the hours we would spend just doing nothing at all..."_ Pressing his fingers against the keys, his singing comes to an abrupt stop. His mind instantly casts back to the day he wrote this song. He wrote it about Mark. It was a time in their lives when they were going through a rough patch in their relationship. Mainly down to Mark's drinking and his relationship not going so well with Emma (at the time they didn't know about Mark's affairs). His trip down memory lane is soon interrupted by a voice calling his name from the bottom of the stairs.

"Gaz? Have you got Daisy dressed yet?"

Shaking his head, he peers down at the little girl who cheekily grins up at him, still wearing her _Frozen_ onesie. "Oh...er...yes, babe." Gary lies and tickles his Daughter's neck with his free hand. As soon as he hears the footsteps disappear towards the kitchen, swiftly he closes the lid of the piano and hurries towards the door. Without looking where he's going with Daisy in his arms, he stumbles over another small child. Sitting in front of a box of cars, he makes small noises to himself whilst pushing them across the wooden flooring. "El? Watcha doing in here? I thought you were brushing your teeth?" Gary narrows a brow at the fair haired child and shakes his head. "C'mon, your Dad's gonna kill me for being late."

"But I wanted you to sing me a song next. Daisy _always_ gets to choose!"

"I promise I'll sing a song to you whilst you're getting ready, any song you like, just as long as I know it."

Thinking for a few minutes, a smile fills his small face. "Hold up a light!" Of course, he should of expected that as a reply, after all, he _is_ Mark Owen's child.

\------------------

After the quickest change he's ever made, Daisy is finally dressed (although she did throw a tantrum when Gary said no about letting her wear a sparkly purple tutu and a pair of glittery red shoes, but in the end he once again gave in and let her choose her own outfit). Elwood follows the two of them down the stairs and into the kitchen where they find another child. Sitting at the breakfast table, she has a spoon of cereal in her mouth whilst watching the portable DVD player. "Ah, finally!" Brushing the blonde hair of the small girl's, widely the figure grins at Gary. "What time do you call this?"

"Sorry. Daisy wanted me to sing...and Elwood was playing with his cars."

"I see Daddy lost again." Eyeing up the girl in Gary's arms, he winks at her when he notices her outfit choice for the day.

"Daddy _always_ loses in this house." Warmly he smiles. Walking over towards the blonde girl who's almost half the age of his own daughter, gently he pecks her on the head. "Mornin' princess. How's your breakfast?" Placing Daisy next to her, shyly she smiles up at Gary.

"Are you not going to answer, Fox?" He breathes out a laugh. "Just doing her hair then we should be ready." Widely Mark grins whilst putting his daughter's hair up into a short pony tail.

Walking behind his boyfriend, he wraps his arms around his small waist. "How're you gorgeous?"

"I'm very well, Mr Barlow. Tired, but I'm good, what about you?"

"The happiest I've ever been." Planting a kiss onto his boyfriend's cheek, he inhales his scent.

"You say that every morning." Giving Fox's hair one final brush through, finally he's finished. "Fancy a coffee?"

"I'd love one...or six."

Mark sniggers and agrees whilst walking over towards the coffee maker. "What time is Dan getting here?"

"He's not. Change of plan. Emily is at her friend's house which isn't far from 'ere, so she said she would come and pick Daisy up. Dan's at footie today and Dawn said she'd collect him once the match is over."

Nodding his head, Mark fills both of the mugs with the strong liquid. "So we just need to drop Fox and Elwood off at Emma's? Willow will still be at her sleepover and Emma said she would take her home before we arrive, it's a long journey there anyway so she has plenty of time." Handing his lover a mug, softly he sighs.

"Another busy day in the Barlow-Owen house hold, hey?" Nudging the smaller man slightly, they smile equally as wide as one another.

"I really wish Emily and Dan would come over sometime...I mean, I know I've said it before, but when Emma has the kids I don't mind checking in at a hotel or visiting my parents, I don't want to be the reason why you can't see your kids." Sadly Mark smiles whilst tapping his finger against his mug.

Ever since Gary confessed everything to Dawn early last year (there wasn't a lot to confess, she _always_ knew there was something going on ever since the week Mark stayed over to write his second solo album), within a month or two they decided a divorce was the best way. Seeing as Gary's children are slightly older than Mark's, they fully understand what's happening and why their Dad doesn't live with them anymore (well, Emily and Daniel do in their own way at least), so it's put a strain on their relationship with their father (mainly with Daniel). Mark blames himself entirely for how things have turned out.

  
It's only been a couple of months since Mark confessed to Emma. They were both surprised at how Mark didn't confess to his wife before Gary did, especially after what happened during 2010. Emma was a lot harder when it came to the divorce than Dawn was with Gary, at first she decided to take Mark to court, just to stop him from seeing the kids. However, that didn't last long. Mark's a brilliant father, there's no doubt about that and Emma simply cannot deny it.

"Hey..." Knitting his brows together, Gary places down his mug onto the work surface and does the same with Mark's. Taking the man's hands in his own, he pulls the brunette closer to him. "Listen...what has happened is _not_ your fault. We fell in love years ago and we couldn't keep sneaking behind our wives backs, we couldn't keep silently hurtin' them. They deserve better and we both know that. To say what could of happened, we are incredibly lucky to have such understanding women in our lives. I don't regret marrying Dawn, I still love her to pieces and I'm sure that's the same with you and Emma, but we couldn't continue livin' our lives as a lie." Pecking the side of his boyfriend's cheek, gently he brings a hand up towards his face and his fingers tug on his earlobe. "Dan and Em will come round, it will take time, but things will get better. I promise." Pulling the smaller man into his arms, their bodies fit together like a jigsaw.

Over the years, Mark has heard _so_ many promises which Gary has made, so nowadays he doesn't hold onto them. Lightly nodding his head, faintly he smiles. "OK..."

There's a gentle knock against the glass on the front door, interrupting the couple's moment. "...That'll be Emily. I better-"

"Of course." 

"Won't be a sec." Kissing Mark swiftly on the lips, he hurries into the hallway. 

  
"Marky? Marky, I wanna play on the swing!" Excitedly Daisy jumps down from her chair and clings onto Mark's cardigan.

" _Now?_ But your sister is ready to pick you up?" Stroking the young girl's hair, he notices the pout on her face and the sadness glow in her eyes. Mark is such a push over, both he and Gary know that. "Alright, five minutes. _Only._ "

"Yes!" In seconds Daisy runs out the front door, with Elwood shortly catching up with her.

"I want to go on it first!" Loudly the boy yells whilst chasing after Daisy. The pair of them run along the grass like rockets.

Softly Mark sighs and picks up his four year old. "Come on Fox." A smile graces his lips whilst shaking his head. "The swing is big enough for the pair of you!" He calls, gesturing his hand over at the hand built swing which both him and Gary built last month. It's pretty impressive that the pair of them had built something safe for their children to use (well, they did get a little bit of help from Ian, Gary's brother who's a builder, but they prefer to keep to glory to themselves).

"She's just in- Oh." Gary walks back into the now empty kitchen with his second oldest child behind him. Noticing the back door wide open and the sound of children laughing loudly buzzing around his ears, he rolls his eyes. "Fancy a drink? Maybe a bite to eat?"

"No...no I'm fine, thanks." Awkwardly Emily stands at the doorway of the kitchen and watches her father glance out of the window.

Helping himself to another coffee, he walks towards the back door. "Has him wrapped right 'round her little finger." Softly he laughs to himself as Emily strides over to stand along side him. The warm summer breeze blows her blonde curls as her eyes become fixed on Mark pushing both Daisy and Elwood. It takes her back to the times Mark use to come over for weekends to _write_ with her Dad, now it's so obvious why he use to stay for visits. "How're you, love?"

"I'm...good." Staring at Mark and the children, there's an emotionless look on her face. 

"School goin' well?"

"It's the summer holidays, Dad, _remember?"_

So much has been having in Gary's life the past year and a half, it's hard to store anymore information. Mark only moved in since he confessed to Emma so boxes are still unpacked. When Gary first bought the house the two of them decided to buy it together, because they  _knew_ they'd both end up living there together one day. Even though they've had Elwood, Daisy and Fox staying over for the past five days, he still misses Emily and Daniel, he even misses their typical teenage tantrums. "...Sorry...right, of course." Huffing to himself, he feels like such a let down ever since leaving the Barlow home.

Eyeing up his boyfriend, the flutters appear in the bottom of his stomach, it's such a beautiful sight to see Mark with the kids, he's incredibly lucky to have him. Without Mark and his children in his life, he knows he would of ended up slipping back into his old dark ways, but this time, he wouldn't of escaped them.

"Dad...I better be off, Mum will be getting worried."

Shaking his head by the sound of a voice, swiftly he blinks his eyes. "Sorry..." Again Gary mutters and Emily rolls her eyes at the apology. That's the only word Gary's been able to say since the divorce. Clearing his dry throat, he loudly calls. "Mark? Mark! Emily's 'ere."

Instantly Mark lifts his head and paints on a grin whilst looking towards the back door. The swing stops and the two girls walk into the direction of the back door. Emily frowns at the state of her sister's outfit, it almost looks as if a fairy tale book has throw up on her. "What are you wearing? Mum's going to be _so_ annoyed."

Fox stretches her arms up at Gary and bounces on the heels of her bare feet, silently begging to be lifted. "Come 'ere poppet." Scooping the blonde girl in his arms, he walks back into the kitchen and reaches for her cup of juice. "...Sorry, blame me. It was the only way to get her out of that blummin' onesie! You know how much she loves it."

"You don't have to keep apologising, you know?" Sounding slightly annoyed at her father, Emily averts her eyes to the floor as soon as Mark appears.

"Hiya Emily, how are you darling?" Looking bubbly as always, gently he pats Elwood on the head, who continues to pout. He wanted to spend longer outside, but time is ticking.

"Hello...Mark." Before the affair came out, Emily _always_ enjoyed having Mark round. Her and Daniel literally grew up seeing Mark around their house. She always took a shine to him, mainly down to his kindness and generosity, also because she had a slight crush on him which Gary use to playfully tease her about, just to embarrass her, like Dads do. Sadly that's all changed, now being a teenager, she understands what her father did was wrong and no matter how sweet and loving Mark is, he's also to blame. After almost sixteen years of marriage, she feels as if she's caught in the middle of her parents relationship, but with a bit of time, the pain will heal.

Silently Mark sighs and continues to get his Son and Daughter packed. It was decided last minute that Mark and Gary were going to go on a short holiday. Ever since Mark enrolled himself into a rehab clinic, the press have been watching his and Emma's marriage like hawks, whereas Gary and Dawn were more private, the press never found out until he officially moved out into his new house. Gary and Dawn had split up for almost nine months before the press finally dug their teeth in, and with Mark's divorce still fresh, the headlines are still occurring. "...Me and Mark were thinking, maybe once we're back from the holiday, it would be nice if you came round? We could do a barbecue, bring Dan with you too, it'll be nice to have a catch up."

  
Shrugging her shoulders, she feels guilty for behaving this way, but she can't help it. "Maybe...one day."

  
Sadly Gary looks at Mark and nods. "Right...come 'ere you." Kneeling on the floor, he zips up Daisy's coat." We don't want to keep Mummy waitin'." Hugging his daughter tightly, he sighs into her hair. "I want you to be a good girl, otherwise there won't be any prezzies from holiday, OK?"

  
Her mouth drops open in an instant and her words come out in short stutters. "B...bu...b...but!" Stomping her foot she frowns.

  
Lightly Mark laughs and crouches beside his boyfriend. "Ignore Daddy." Outstretching his arms, Daisy instantly runs into them. Even though Daisy is biologically Gary's daughter, it's obvious she's a Daddy's girl with the pair of them. "...We'll bring you a unicorn back from holiday." Delicately he kisses her cheek and pats her back.

  
"Erh...we will?"

  
"Really?!" Her eyes fill with surprise and a smile beams on her face.

  
"I can't promise you the real deal...but I'll see what we can do." He winks at the small child as a huge grin fills his face.

  
Gary tuts and softly smiles into Mark's direction. "Are you sure you girls don't want droppin' off home? We're leaving now to go to Emma's to see Willow and to drop Elwood and Fox off so if-"

  
"No Dad. It's fine, honest." Emily takes hold of her sister's hand and heads towards the hallway. Gary's heart sinks, but he holds it together for the sake of his children and of course, for Mark.

  
"OK...well I'll see you both soon...I prom-" Before he's able to finish off his sentence, the door closes and his two daughters are out of sight.

  
\---------------------

 

"That was quick?" Gary frowns as Mark climbs back inside of the car. Slamming the door, he reaches for his seat belt. "She didn't let you in _again?"_

  
Mark shakes his head in reply. "I only wanted to see Willow...but apparently she wasn't feeling well after the sleepover." It's obvious that Mark and Emma still have issues since the divorce, it's understandable why she doesn't want Gary in the house, but it's not fair on not allowing Mark to see his _own_ daughter.

  
"Maybe she's just havin' a bad day...or maybe she's right, after all Willow was at a sleepover and you know sleepovers just consist of sweets after midnight!" Reassuring his boyfriend with a faint smile, gently he squeezes his thigh.

  
"Yeah...suppose you're right...not a good day for us with family, is it?" Lazily Mark smiles and flicks through the radio channels.

  
"When is it a good day with family?" Gary half jokes and half honestly speaks. Pulling out of Emma's driveway suddenly his attention is fully directed at the radio.

  
"Oh, hello." Mark giggles, whilst increasing the volume of the song. Both of the males ears are filled with a familiar tune. _Greatest Day_ plays on Heart FM, immediately changing their moods. It's very, _very_ rare they enjoy hearing their own voices on the radio, but when the song was recorded at such a high point in their careers, creating great memories, it's a song they're incredibly proud of.

  
"Oh dear..." Gary cringes as he's unable to hold back a grin. "I guess this our holiday song then?" The pair of them giggle as they begin their journey to the airport.

\---------------------

  
Twelve and a half hours later and after countless games of eye- spy, finally Mark and Gary arrive at their hotel in Mauritius. Being in first class meant they could have a reasonable amount of sleep, thankfully their jet lag isn't _too_ bad, but it's not as if they care. "Let me get in the door." Mark mutters against Gary, feeling a pair of lips brush against his neck, instantly making his legs turn to jelly.

  
"I told you...we should of nipped to the toilet together...on the flight." The blonde groans whilst watching Mark's failed attempts at trying to open the door.

  
"I want a pap free holiday...I lost me mile high virginity long ago..."

  
"Don't remind me." Gary growls against his ear as soon as the door finally opens. In seconds the suitcases are thrown inside and so is Mark. Kicking the door closed with his foot, Gary locks the door behind them whilst pinning Mark up against it. "I've been dying to get me hands on you...never again are we going on such a long flight." Nibbling against the smaller man's collar bone, immediately his fingers begin to undo the buttons on his tightly fitted shirt, which has a Hawaiian look to it.

  
"Oh, so for our anniversary you're going to take me to Skeggy?"

  
"I was thinkin' more Blackpool, that way I get me ninety-nine and fish and chips." Gary continues to tease. Discarding Mark's shirt behind him, his fingers hook around the belt on his jeans (Gary will never understand why Mark chose to wear jeans during weather like this, but trying to argue with Mark over clothes is like arguing with Gary over keyboards, you'll _never_ win).

  
"...Who says romance is dead?" The brunette smirks, feeling his jeans being forcefully ripped down towards his feet.

  
Already getting hard in his shorts, Gary doesn't hesitate for much longer. Pressing his large hands against Mark's hips, he drags his frame over towards the bed, before roughly pushing him down onto the mattress. Mark bounces a couple of times on the spacious king size, before Gary slides up his half naked body, like a predator about to pounce onto his prey. "...I better-" Before Gary's able to rush over towards one of the suitcases for a condom, a hand grips to his wrist and drags him back onto the bed.

  
"No." Softly Mark whispers as a hand slides through his boyfriend's messy looking hair. "...I want to feel you... _all_ of you."

 

It's possibly the first time Mark and Gary have had unprotected sex with one another, even in the early days they always used a condom. Gary shouldn't feel as excited as he currently does, every time he has sex with Mark, it feels like he's losing his virginity all over again. "God, I love you." 

"Shut up and fuck me." Playfully Mark replies, whilst a hand dives inside his own briefs. Gently he begins to palm himself whilst Gary removes each and every piece of clothing from his own body. Watching Gary strip just inches away, he kicks away his boots and removes the final piece of clothing from his body. Laying fully naked on the fresh sheets, he waits for his lover's touch. 

 

"So...so beautiful..." Shakily Gary speaks whilst snaking up Mark's body. 

 

Feeling a hard cock press against his thigh, the brunette arches his back and gently moans, craving Gary's body. "...P...please..." 

 

Lightly Gary smiles and rubs his naked torso against Mark's. In seconds his lips are on Mark's and Mark kisses back energetically and hungrily, turning them both on as the kiss deepens. "...On your knees..." Calmly Gary demands. 

 

The younger male doesn't argue, within seconds he's on his knees and his elbows sink into the white crisp duvet. Feeling vulnerable but extremely desperate. Gary's large hands roam Mark's naked body, massaging his pert ass before giving it a cheeky slap. "Mmm..." 

 

"Such a slut..." Gary mummers against Mark's burning flesh, a hand slips down his body and forms a fist around his own hard cock. 

 

Lifting his backside higher into Gary's view, Mark begins to get impatient. "Punish me...for it then..." He almost begs. 

 

Sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, Gary smirks. Removing his hand away from his shaft, he presses the tip against Mark's entrance, feeling the familiar warmth. Reaching over for the lube, he squeezes a generous amount onto his dick and Mark's hole, before finally pushing inside. The muscles immediately clench around his cock and like always, he always manages to lose it at that very moment. "O...oh fuck..." Loudly the blonde groans, as he continues to slowly push all the way inside. Mark's teeth grip to the duvet, silencing his whimpers and moans. As soon as Gary's torso makes contact with Mark's backside, his hand grips around his waist whilst the other tends to the neglected cock. 

As soon as the pain subsides, Mark begs for more. Begs to be fully taken and to be fucked like only Gary knows how. "...Har...harder..." 

As much as Gary loves being the one who dominates during sex, it still turns him on when Mark decides to take on the role. Bucking his hips hard but slow, each thrust draws a cry from Mark's lips. He repeats this movement several times, Mark's moans are like music to his ears. "...Like that, baby?" Pumping his hand faster against the hardening dick, he removes the hand from Mark's waist and places it under his chin. Forcefully he tips his head backwards and catches their lips together. Increasing the speed of his hips, swiftly he thrusts into him. 

"...S...so...so...good..." Shakily Mark moans out, whilst pressing his backside onto Gary's cock, allowing him to sink inside of him as deep as possible. 

 

It only takes a few more thrusts until Gary reaches his limit. Stars violently spin around his head and his teeth sink into Mark's bottom lip. "...Gonna." Gary warns the younger man with a stern look. Feeling Mark's load begin to fill his palm, both of their bodies shake from their orgasms. 

"Jesus...oh...oh my...god!" Dropping his face into the mattress, he feels Gary twitch inside of him. In a matter of seconds, Mark is the first to let go and spews his load into the palm of Gary's hand. "Gary...!" 

Slowing down his movements, finally he copies Mark's actions and releases inside of him. Snapping his eyes firmly closed, he digs his nails into Mark's flesh. "Oh fuck!" Loudly he curses. 

 

\-------------------------

 

"I could really do with a ciggie now." Mark chuckles whilst his fingers play with the light hairs on Gary's chest. 

"Yeah, me too." The blonde frowns, remembering that both of them had given up the habit years ago, unlike Mark who had packed it in a few years ago, Gary had given up a decade ago. "...At least tomorrow we can just lounge around all the day beside the pool...and maybe take a stroll to the beach." 

"We need to ring the kids tomorrow too." Mark adds with a yawn. 

Fingers slide through Mark's hair and he breathes out a laugh by his comment. "...Who would of thought it, ay?" 

"Hmm?" Sleepily Mark looks up at the blonde, with his eyes half lidded. 

"Me and you. Together...without anyone holdin' us back. I never thought I'd see you again since I lost me deal, never mind have you in me bed." 

Delicately Mark brushes his lips against Gary's chest and weakly smiles. "Not only that, but we also have our beautiful children to finally complete our family. Definitely worth the wait...and heart ache."

Inhaling his scent, Gary smiles through the bouncy brown hair. "...I love you."

"I...I love you...too..." Again Mark yawns, whilst nudging his face against Gary's body.

"It's just you and me, Marky...against the world..." Stroking Mark's finger where the wedding ring use to sit, Gary half smiles to himself. One day he'll be the one putting a new ring on that finger.

 

_One day_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, a massive thank YOU to everyone who has read each and every chapter and has been patient with me. 
> 
> I know a lot of the things in this fic aren't true to what has happened in real life, I didn't want a lot of Nigel in this fic that's why *some* of the info has been changed. It was also hard to write about certain events which has happened to the boys in the real world (Gary's depression, Mark going to rehab and the loss of Poppy). I didn't want to cause ANY offence to the reader or any of the characters used (I know Mark/Gary/TT will never read this, but I thought I'd say it anyway). 
> 
> Sadly this is just fanfiction, but what people think about Gary/Mark's relationship, is up to them/me... 
> 
> ...again, thank you! And I hope you enjoy my future works! 
> 
> (Also sorry for any mistakes)


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